Paul Eastwick

the perception of compatibility, that really it's all in what people think.

And because I'm a psychologist, the subjective is beautiful to me.

Yeah, your wife thinks you're more desirable than other people think.

That's why you work so well together.

Now, add on top of that, I'm sorry, Rift guys.

When you come along, maybe you are an eight on average, but she doesn't think that.

She thinks you're a six because people also do this thing called derogation of alternatives, which means because she's happily partnered with you, she looks at these other guys and thinks they're worse than they actually are.

So what you have to overcome is

to do what these guys assume, apparently, they can do, it's an enormous gulf most of the time.

And again, it's these sorts of motivated perceptions, motivated biases that people have that are really responsible for often keeping relationships going.

What?

I mean, it's a funny thing, because when we're with somebody and they make us happy, we put on these blinders.

We don't notice the other desirable people around us.

Yeah.

In some cases like yours, maybe you come to regret that decision later.

We do this in all sorts of other ways, too.

So in ongoing relationships...

Look, everybody's got negative qualities, okay?

Everybody's a little messy or they get a little overly stressed out at times.

We all have issues.