Paul Eastwick

speaker

1,562 appearances 7 recordings 3 series first heard Feb 2026 last heard 24 May

Paul Eastwick’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 7 in all, peaking in Feb 2026 with 3.

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Sonia and Simon · Why Your “Type” Is Ruining Your Love Life | Paul Eastwick · 24 May 2026 podcast

Now, look, I haven't been single for a while, so I don't know.

I might be a mess if I tried to date again, like trying to like think about meeting people in networks.

And okay, I know, uh,

i know i'm just supposed to like hang out with people i'm not supposed to be worried about like where am i going to find a date and i'm definitely not supposed to be out there like using pickup lines hitting on strangers but will i be all in my head about that that's hard to say when it comes to my ongoing relationship i've been in a relationship for about 10 years and this idea that like relationships are two people building a thing i think it's been useful to have that metaphor because you know when you get in fights

It is so tempting and so human to think, like, we are in this fight right now because you are like this.

And now as a relationship scientist, I can quickly back out of that attribution and remember that this is happening because we have built some pattern here that isn't working.

And maybe

Maybe that pattern is that I should not be asking you questions about what we're doing for dinner when you've just come home, work, stressed about certain things.

Or maybe that pattern is, you know, we haven't made time for you to tell me about the stress, these stresses that you're having at work.

So when you frame your relationship challenges in terms of patterns that the two of you have constructed together, I do think that makes it easier to address and easier to back away from the really nasty personal attributions that people can often fall into.

Yeah, this is interesting.

And there's new research on this pointing to this idea that jealousy can be this sort of mixed bag.

Generally speaking...

We're kind of annoyed if our partners are jealous at something that we've done, you know, maybe like, you know, we're spending time with somebody of our preferred gender who's, you know, just a friend and our partners get jealous.

Yeah, often we're annoyed at that because it's like it feels like an impingement on your freedom or like they don't trust you or something.

So it's it feels like an indictment of the relationship in some way.

But yes, there can also be a little bit of this, oh, like, I guess I matter to this person.

But from the data that I've seen, that second thing is a lot smaller than the first thing.

And so that's why jealousy ends up being bad for most people on average.

because there's like so many other ways you can get the, oh, my partner really values me other than jealousy without the feeling like, you know, it's saying something bad about your relationship or whether your partner trusts you, etc.,

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