Paul Eastwick

And to be kind.

But even a lot of the terrible, unkind people get partners too.

I worked at a law firm, so I know.

Here's the real kicker is that those terrible unkind people get in relationships and their partners genuinely think that they are great and that they are kind.

Again, it can be a little bit mystical because you think like, how does she see good qualities in him?

I really don't get it.

But again, it's part of this process that makes relationships work for many of us where we don't feel like we're always striving to get something better.

Yeah, so it's a concept that gets applied to women, and the suggestion is that they're always looking to trade up, especially relative to their own value.

So I'm a woman.

I look at myself.

Okay, I'm a six, so I got to try to land a seven.

And if I can land a seven, then maybe, I don't know, I can leverage that to get an eight.

I'm not doing my best to channel this perspective.

But this is how some men online think about women.

It's pretty nasty.

And importantly, it's really not backed by the evidence when it comes to attraction, relationship formation, any of that.

People actually don't pay attention at all to things like, oh, what is your mate value relative to mine?

Yes, attractive people will be more appealing, but people aren't doing this trade up thing as they get to know people over time.

You are describing the dating app that we all need, but we don't deserve.

We get to hang out in groups with people over time.