Peter Bregman

when you're exhausted and especially your cookies are awesome. Like there's no way I wouldn't have eaten, but I would have just joined you. I'm glad I wasn't up at four o'clock in the morning. So I totally get it. And I also can see the guilt in your face and how frustrating that must feel.

when you're exhausted and especially your cookies are awesome. Like there's no way I wouldn't have eaten, but I would have just joined you. I'm glad I wasn't up at four o'clock in the morning. So I totally get it. And I also can see the guilt in your face and how frustrating that must feel.

I also know that you can make different decisions and do it differently if you want, because I've seen you do that in the past also. And do you want to think about this together? Do you want to think this through together? And so it's express empathy, express confidence, and then ask permission to engage in the conversation. That's the first step.

I also know that you can make different decisions and do it differently if you want, because I've seen you do that in the past also. And do you want to think about this together? Do you want to think this through together? And so it's express empathy, express confidence, and then ask permission to engage in the conversation. That's the first step.

I also know that you can make different decisions and do it differently if you want, because I've seen you do that in the past also. And do you want to think about this together? Do you want to think this through together? And so it's express empathy, express confidence, and then ask permission to engage in the conversation. That's the first step.

And in the case of my daughter, which is why I brought this particular example up, in the case of my daughter, she said, no, I don't want to talk about it. And this is what's really important. That's her call. So I said, okay, no problem. And then I said, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm happy to talk about it with you. But I gave her the power.

And in the case of my daughter, which is why I brought this particular example up, in the case of my daughter, she said, no, I don't want to talk about it. And this is what's really important. That's her call. So I said, okay, no problem. And then I said, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm happy to talk about it with you. But I gave her the power.

And in the case of my daughter, which is why I brought this particular example up, in the case of my daughter, she said, no, I don't want to talk about it. And this is what's really important. That's her call. So I said, okay, no problem. And then I said, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm happy to talk about it with you. But I gave her the power.

Later that afternoon, she came back to me with the confidence that it was up to her to say, hey, and a little distance from the situation and from her own shame around it and said, hey, can we talk about it? I kind of do want to talk about it with you, but I want to stop. Whenever I want to stop, you have to stop. And I said, that's fine. You're totally in control of this. This is for you.

Later that afternoon, she came back to me with the confidence that it was up to her to say, hey, and a little distance from the situation and from her own shame around it and said, hey, can we talk about it? I kind of do want to talk about it with you, but I want to stop. Whenever I want to stop, you have to stop. And I said, that's fine. You're totally in control of this. This is for you.

Later that afternoon, she came back to me with the confidence that it was up to her to say, hey, and a little distance from the situation and from her own shame around it and said, hey, can we talk about it? I kind of do want to talk about it with you, but I want to stop. Whenever I want to stop, you have to stop. And I said, that's fine. You're totally in control of this. This is for you.

The second step is to identify an energizing outcome. So when there's a problem, when we're giving someone feedback, when we're telling them we want them to change, it's often de-energizing. We're basically telling them this thing they're doing is bad. People don't like to sink into problems. People get very narrow-minded around problems. Their energy gets sucked out.

The second step is to identify an energizing outcome. So when there's a problem, when we're giving someone feedback, when we're telling them we want them to change, it's often de-energizing. We're basically telling them this thing they're doing is bad. People don't like to sink into problems. People get very narrow-minded around problems. Their energy gets sucked out.

The second step is to identify an energizing outcome. So when there's a problem, when we're giving someone feedback, when we're telling them we want them to change, it's often de-energizing. We're basically telling them this thing they're doing is bad. People don't like to sink into problems. People get very narrow-minded around problems. Their energy gets sucked out.

So the first thing you do is you say, what is the outcome you want that would actually be exciting to you? So that's step two. The negation of the problem, meaning if the outcome were just, I don't want this problem, it's I don't want to eat so much sugar, right? That's not very inspiring. So my next question is, for the sake of what? Like, what do you hope not eating sugar will give you?

So the first thing you do is you say, what is the outcome you want that would actually be exciting to you? So that's step two. The negation of the problem, meaning if the outcome were just, I don't want this problem, it's I don't want to eat so much sugar, right? That's not very inspiring. So my next question is, for the sake of what? Like, what do you hope not eating sugar will give you?

So the first thing you do is you say, what is the outcome you want that would actually be exciting to you? So that's step two. The negation of the problem, meaning if the outcome were just, I don't want this problem, it's I don't want to eat so much sugar, right? That's not very inspiring. So my next question is, for the sake of what? Like, what do you hope not eating sugar will give you?

The answer became... I'm an athlete and I want to think and act like an athlete. I'm a skier. I'm an ice skater. I want to do a double axle. I need the right strength to weight ratio to do that. So think about how much more inspiring it is to have an outcome that says, I want to act and be an athlete as opposed to I want to stop eating sugar.

The answer became... I'm an athlete and I want to think and act like an athlete. I'm a skier. I'm an ice skater. I want to do a double axle. I need the right strength to weight ratio to do that. So think about how much more inspiring it is to have an outcome that says, I want to act and be an athlete as opposed to I want to stop eating sugar.

The answer became... I'm an athlete and I want to think and act like an athlete. I'm a skier. I'm an ice skater. I want to do a double axle. I need the right strength to weight ratio to do that. So think about how much more inspiring it is to have an outcome that says, I want to act and be an athlete as opposed to I want to stop eating sugar.