Quinlan Walther

You see what I mean?

Where if you're pretty self-centered, if you're not all that introspective or self-aware, if you're...

not trying to become more emotionally mature, which I think most of us can almost always progress in that area.

Of course, when bad times come around, your capacity shot, you're kind of like running on E and what's left is none of the good stuff.

None of the stuff that keeps you together, that values connection, nothing that's going to feed this love.

But I think if you have it tenfold, if you have all of the love and consideration, all those things, um,

That when you get down to running on E, there's still a little bit of that left.

Yeah, absolutely.

Empathy without boundaries is self-abandonment.

And on the back end of empathy that lacks boundaries is some sense of...

lack like okay if i just empathize enough if i can understand why this person is treating me so badly then i'll be able to rationalize it and i can keep them around a little bit longer because i still need to be chosen so the idea of being lonely and not having anyone there we we can't that's last last thing we ever want to encounter so let me just try to empathize enough to be okay with the behavior that i don't like because it's meeting a need

So rather than having a pretty firm sense of self that says, I'd rather be alone than be treated like shit.

I'm going to say, no, I'd rather be anything but alone.

So I'll be okay with being treated like shit.

Well, self-abandonment is almost always self-serving.

It's always the abandonment of self to meet some deeper need.

So if you're people pleasing, right, similar to what we're talking about with empathy, well, I'm just going to make nice so everyone around me will be good and appeased because I need people around.

I need to be accepted.

I need to belong.

Right.