Rachel Cruze

I can hear you.

I just have a four-month-old son.

My wife doesn't want anything to do with my business.

She wants a payout of $150,000 to walk away.

And I have a couple different options.

Uh, we have, yes.

Um, that's basically, um, half the equity in our home and property.

Gotcha.

Uh, she started out at wanting 60 and then she wanted 80 and then she wanted a hundred and then, you know, which is fine.

Well, no, no, she's not being like that.

Okay, I think this is one of the hardest lessons to learn in life, and I think it took me thousands of dollars of therapy literally for this to settle in and realize you can't change people. As much as you guys want her to do X, Y, and Z, as much as you want her to budget, live on lessons she makes, all the things,

Unless she wants it, it's not going to happen. So it's either, in my head, a pretty strong boundary of a conversation that's probably really hard, like, Mom, I love you, but we have a set plan for our income right now that has to go to this, and we're not going to be able to help you in the future as of now.

or forever, whatever you want to say, right? And or, hey mom, would you be curious to learn, or probably not to learn, it's probably a little patronizing, but like, would you like to find a new way to handle your money? Things that have worked for us, if you're curious about that, let me know, and you can kind of open the door for her to walk through. But it's hard, and we get this question a lot with families, because you're wanting them

And let me say this too. The borrowing is different than the giving, right? So both need boundaries around it. But when you are lending money and expecting to be paid back, like that's a no all the way around. Now, if there's a giving element and there's a family member, a friend, whatever, and you as a couple decide that we're in a good place financially, we feel like, yes, we can do this. We want to do this. We feel like they really, truly need help. It's not creating, you know, this sense of like entitlements.

Okay, boy, the crowd's turning on you fast. This is not going to go my way. These people over here are already ready to throw pizza at you. Okay, what are you wanting to spend on, specifically? Is it lifestyle? Is it restaurants? Is it vacation? Is it what? New car? Like, what's the thing you're... Is it $20,000? Is it $200? That's fair. Vacations, clothes, just Amazon, just...

Oh, I can tell you. Yes, exactly like Ken's thinking. Go ahead, tell us. Yeah, tell us. Okay. You know, we had what we needed, but nothing more, really. Was it stress? Was there like a level of stress with it? Okay, so I think the real issue, honestly, I think understanding what is going on, like we had a couple, some friends over, and he was literally talking about how he got frustrated that she buys the nicer milk.

And she's like, I just don't get it. And they're fine financially, all this stuff, but she, do y'all relate? You got that? Where it's like, why? This guy wants generic milk. But the reality was, seriously, of what he viewed of money. Like there was a level of, a deeper level of security fear. Is everything going to be okay? Right? It's kind of these deeper questions that almost get triggered that you may not even realize.

And then for you, you feel shame, and you feel bad and guilty with doing the plan, the plan that we've planned out, and you're making me feel this way. And so I don't feel like I have permission to enjoy the income of our household because I'm getting judged with every little purchase, and that's probably hurtful, right? So deep down in it, I think seeing each other

two or three layers down of what's really, really, really going on under that. But I do want you more involved with the budget. Because I do think if you see it's within a controlled element, she's not out of control, right? You're not, you guys aren't secretly, deeply in debt, and she's not spending thousands and thousands of dollars. So there's a control issue. There's something else going on. And so for you guys and your marriage, I think that, yeah, to kind of figure out, okay, what's really happening? But I've got my vote locked in. We'll start with you, madam.

I'm siding with you, lady. What's your name again? Jenny. Oh, it's right there. Sorry, Jenny. That's a lady. You're siding with Jenny. I'm siding with Jenny. I think that it's totally appropriate. It does not feel out of bounds. It's not a crazy percentage of your income. It's a controlled matter. You're doing the budget. You're tracking in the EveryDollar app. I mean, you know what's going on. You have the freedom to spend.