Chapter 1: What are the highlights of The Ramsey Show live from Chicago?
Normal is broken. Common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life from the Ramsey Network live in the den in Chicago. This is The Ramsey Show. Wow. Wow. How about this? So good to be here. You guys, this is amazing. So first of all, we're super, super glad that you all are here. We're going to have a fun time tonight. Yes?
Yeah. I'm in Chicago. I gotta have some deep dish. Ken, we got a special... Wait, what? Whoa! Oh, my God! What do we got? Is it a tavern or is it actual deep dish? Well, now, this is Lou Malnati's here. All right.
Shout out. Shout out to Luz. Would you like a slice, Ken? I'm going to get a slice. All right. Rachel, would you like a slice? I mean, sure, if we're all here. I'm going to be a gentleman. You want to give that to Rachel? Not partake. Pass it down. Ladies first. Let me have one. I had a gluten-free one downstairs, don't worry. It was delicious. Trust me, George has already had a shot. You had a gluten-free one? Yeah, they crush it. Well, that's special. Fun fact, I once ordered 67...
Deep dish pizzas from Lou Malnati's to Financial Peace Plaza headquarters on ice. Did you really? Yeah. Too good. Okay. You know, we're here to do a show. Apparently. And we are here to have some fun and we're going to answer some questions. So let's get to our first live question. Let's bring our guest up here. Tell us your name and where you are from. There she is, I believe, or they. Oh, is this a couple question?
Yes, we love, we don't get this on the show. Beware, we don't get to do this on the show. All right, tell us your names and where you're from and get to your question. I'm Shay. I'm Arnold. We're from Portage, Indiana. Our question is, my mom occasionally asks us to borrow money, even though her household income is higher than ours. So what are some tips or help to help her budget? Oh, man. She's not asking for budgeting help, is she? She's asking for money. I don't know.
Okay, I think this is one of the hardest lessons to learn in life, and I think it took me thousands of dollars of therapy literally for this to settle in and realize you can't change people. As much as you guys want her to do X, Y, and Z, as much as you want her to budget, live on lessons she makes, all the things,
Unless she wants it, it's not going to happen. So it's either, in my head, a pretty strong boundary of a conversation that's probably really hard, like, Mom, I love you, but we have a set plan for our income right now that has to go to this, and we're not going to be able to help you in the future as of now.
or forever, whatever you want to say, right? And or, hey mom, would you be curious to learn, or probably not to learn, it's probably a little patronizing, but like, would you like to find a new way to handle your money? Things that have worked for us, if you're curious about that, let me know, and you can kind of open the door for her to walk through. But it's hard, and we get this question a lot with families, because you're wanting them
to not only change, but now in your case, they're like asking you for money, right? And so there's a boundary that has to be put up. All right, so Rachel's the nicest one of all of us. And I'll agree. And I think Rachel's right, but I think that's step two. Step one is, whose mom is it? Mine. Mom, no more. You're a grown blank woman.
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Chapter 2: How can I set boundaries with family when it comes to money?
All right, so no, mom, never again. It stops, never again. I'm putting up a boundary. Then you go to step two. But this is not okay. And I know you're smiling about it, but I hope you walk away empowered tonight, because you got to tell her to grow up. Are you guys on the same page with it? Like, are you both annoyed? Like, yeah, okay. It puts you in an uncomfortable position. It's his mother-in-law. That guy is steaming Willie Beamer.
He's like, thank you, Ken. Well, here's the thing you can tell her that's maybe also kind is, I love you. I'm your daughter. I don't want to become your lender. I care about our relationship too much for it to become a business transaction. And now you don't want to talk to me because you know you owe me money. I want to come over for Thanksgiving and give you a hug and sit down and talk about anything else other than the money you owe me.
And that's what really happens on The Ramsay Show. You can send her calls of things gone awry, but I do think that it starts with you saying no in love, and then getting to the root of it if she's willing. And one day she might be. Today might not be that day. But one day when she truly needs help, and she sees the way you guys have been living, she's going to say, tell me more about how you did it. That's the day you can start to introduce some of our principles and teaching to her. Are you prepared emotionally?
for her to get really pissed off and cut you off for a season? He's shaking his head no. Oh, she won't do that? No, because the last time it was like more assertive, like, why would I give this to you? Or if I give this to you, when are you going to learn? So a little more mean than I have been, but she wouldn't cut me off. Okay, well, that's great news. Have you been giving her money thus far?
Yeah. How many times, how much total? Oh boy. I'd say like twice a year, and it can range from a couple hundred to her refrigerator broke, so like a thousand or two. And has she ever paid you back? She's always paid me back. How, what time frame? Is it an agreed upon time frame? The last time was the next day, which makes me most angry because you should not be that tight with money. Was it like, hey, I just need to get to the next paycheck and I'll pay you? Literally tomorrow, yeah.
So you're her payday lender, essentially. Yeah. What is this causing for you, young man? Your wife needs to hear this. This is your moment. You stood up. What kind of stress is this causing? Step towards the mic. Step towards the mic. Step towards the light, my friend. Oh, man, I'm so sad. Do you want pizza? Do you want the pizza? We'll give you... Get out. Get out of the situation. Rachel only had two bites. I'll give her her slice if you tell the truth. So, you said... Get up on the mic. Get up on the mic. You said, what kind of stress is it causing? What's it doing to you?
It like puts me in the middle because I want to, you know, the Bible says we are the lenders, not the borrowers. So I want to be that, but not every time. And I don't want to be, you know, the only soul, you know, every time they come to us saying, hey, we need this. So it kind of puts me in the middle when I'm like, it's your mom, but we shouldn't be doing this. So it's hard. Yeah, sure. So are you prepared tonight?
Ma'am, to draw a line in the sand? Yeah. Why are you smiling and laughing so much? Because it's hard to explain because I've tried. I've bought her every dollar. Get up on the mic. We've got to be able to hear you. Oh, sorry. I've already like done all the things. I've bought her every dollar. I've tried. We talk about it. They work together. So like they talk about every single thing she has. Oh, you work together. You work with your mother-in-law?
That's how we met. Oh, wow. So we've done all this. Good for you. Like the next thing would be like inviting her over secretly and just for nine weeks straight doing financial peace. That's called staging and intervention. I would have snacks. I would have fun stuff. Tell us about snacks. But I know it would be easy. So it's not that. It's just like...
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Chapter 3: What are effective strategies for managing financial stress in relationships?
Yeah, and I'm not calling you an idiot. All right, the crowd's like, ooh. But I'm saying if I was gonna label some really dumb behavior, it's actually you. She's broken, you're not broken. And she's going to have to hit rock bottom financially. I hate to say this,
for you to be able to get through to her. So I do think it's a clear boundary. Love, I'm gonna be your daughter, not your lender. Son-in-law, this is a weird deal, because she's like in the cube next to you doing TPS reports. You're gonna have to figure this out too. So you guys gotta come together in very clear boundaries here, and mom needs to get a very clear but kind message. This is over forever. And at that point, you're gonna have to move on. It may not be ugly in that she cuts you off,
but she's gonna come back, by the way. I don't think she's gonna get this stern message the first time. So what are you gonna do? You gotta prepare for that when she comes back a second, a third, a fourth, and maybe even a fifth time. So you guys are brave. Thanks for standing up and asking this question. Y'all give them some love. So good.
And let me say this too. The borrowing is different than the giving, right? So both need boundaries around it. But when you are lending money and expecting to be paid back, like that's a no all the way around. Now, if there's a giving element and there's a family member, a friend, whatever, and you as a couple decide that we're in a good place financially, we feel like, yes, we can do this. We want to do this. We feel like they really, truly need help. It's not creating, you know, this sense of like entitlements.
and we choose to give it, that's a whole other prerogative. So there is a difference between the giving and the lending. So I would cut the lending off hardcore right now today, 100%. And probably the giving. I think there's an element of that that's all true. Yeah, the question asks, am I enabling misbehavior or am I helping someone who's hurting right now? And there's a big difference. And clearly, this is a long pattern of misbehavior on mom's part. Yes. And this is awkward, but I have a very personal experience with this with George years ago when George wasn't making very much money at Ramsey.
He asked me if I would front him some money for a very expensive blow dryer. And I had to say no. He's got a great head of hair. I thought Ken would know what the best blow dryer is.
So we got through it though, didn't we? We did. We salvaged the relationship. And we're here to tell about it. I must tell you, we've been talking about this segment of the show for a couple of weeks. We're going to do a settle the debate. And we've got a brave couple here who is going to jump in and we are going to settle the debate. Now, how many of you love Judge Judy? Do we got any Judge Judy fans in here?
She's great. Yeah. Honestly, not as many as I thought. How many of you are familiar with the Supreme Court? Let's hear from you. Are you familiar?
Judge Coleman presiding? Well, no, it's the three of us. So we are a mini Supreme Court on this decision. And so we're going to hear this case. We will ask questions. You all can applaud, moan, groan, laugh, weigh in with your reaction, and then we shall decide. Are you ready, Judge? I can't wait. All right, young couple, tell us your names and where you're from. Hi, I'm Jenny.
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Chapter 4: How do I navigate financial disagreements with my partner?
We have the age-old debate. I'm a spender. He's a saver. He thinks I should spend less. I think he should relax and let me spend. And also, he needs to start spending a little bit, maybe two. But I think to add some context here, we are not quite in step seven. So I think the gazelle intensity should persist. What step are you on? Four, five, six.
Okay, boy, the crowd's turning on you fast. This is not going to go my way. These people over here are already ready to throw pizza at you. Okay, what are you wanting to spend on, specifically? Is it lifestyle? Is it restaurants? Is it vacation? Is it what? New car? Like, what's the thing you're... Is it $20,000? Is it $200? That's fair. Vacations, clothes, just Amazon, just...
Cute sweater and a car. Nothing like big. I don't care about cars. I don't care about... Okay, so it's like... Do we have a number? An extra like what? 400 bucks a month or something? Yeah, that's a good number. Okay. Oh, wait a second. You agreed to that too quickly. Is that really what you want? An extra 400 bucks? By the way... She already gets that. I don't know. Wow, she gets that? I'm going to ask you because this is the Ramsey show. How much do y'all make a year? Just shy of like 160. Okay.
Both of you working outside? Just me. Just, careful, careful. She's working in the home. The way he said that. Poor kids. What are their ages? What are their ages? Seven, five, three, six months. Oh my gosh, give her the money. How are you even here tonight? It wasn't easy. God bless your ministry. How much did you, did you pay a babysitter?
Oh, her parents. There we go. This guy's not paying for babysitters. Knew it. Okay. So you have a baby step six goal to pay off the house early. Okay. I already have that set. That'll be done in five years. Good. And in your mind, is that extra $400 that should go to the house versus to her lifestyle? Why not do it faster?
OK, listen, I'm a tightwad at heart. How many tightwads are out there? Thank you for making yourselves known. Here's the deal. This is where you lost the audience. You said we got to keep up the gazelle intensity. Guys, gazelle intensity happens in...
One through three. Not for this cyborg. Once you're through getting out of debt, you got the emergency fund, we move from intensity to intentionality, which means we can let our foot off the gas a little bit. We can increase the sinking fund for vacations and upgrading the car in cash and buying clothes on Amazon if that's what you so choose. So I think there's going to be a split here. You're on track to do the house. Let's...
move some funds over to let her enjoy her life while she maniacally takes care of four kids. Because five years is a great goal. I mean, five years gets your house paid off. Five years, house paid off. Because how old are you guys? Thirty-five. Oh, my goodness. So you'll have a paid-off house at the age of 40. Incredible. Debt-free. Debt-free completely. I have a couple questions here. I'm not ready to decide yet.
You said that... I'm locking in my vote, Bob. Jake, you said... Have you already decided, Judge? Yeah, I'm locking in my vote. Okay. Is that what they do on Jeopardy? I said Bob. Is that Price is Right? I'm mixing up my game chips. Wow, I don't know. I don't know. I need more information. Jake, you said that you already give her $400 a month. Is that like just blow money? Yes or no?
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Chapter 5: What advice can I give to someone struggling to make ends meet?
Yeah, I mean, I make the budget. He doesn't even want to look at it, and I do all of it. I'm the spender, but I'm also the nerd. Boy, you are in big trouble, Jen. I love a budget. I love a budget. I get it. Okay, so here's the deal. So you're asking for, we're settling a debate, should you get more spending money? And Rachel asked you... And he can spend a little. He needs to spend. He needs to, but he won't. Okay? That guy is not... He squeaks when he walks. All right?
I'm just telling you. And listen, there's no problem with that, brother. I'm just calling balls and strikes, all right? Jenny, how much more money are you saying you would like to allocate to the Jenny have a fun day because she has four kids fund? I'm actually happy with the spending. I just want it to be, like, not him, like, having to side-eye. It's the purchasing. It's the attitude. It's the side-eye. Like, the amount is fine. It's every time an Amazon package comes. Why are you getting guac with that? Oh!
Now Jake has something to say. Jake's got something to say. Go ahead. Now I'm just being libeled. This is... Are you telling me that's fake news? You've never said anything like that? Absolutely fake news. Have you done a side-eye when she spends the $400? Well, yeah, when there's package after package after package. Is it in the $400? I'm thinking, I have no idea. I have no idea how much this thing's cost. You know why you don't know? Because you're not in the budget. Right. So you're not, you have no skin in the game, but you're Mr. Opinion.
I know, it's why I'm the judge! I'm on fire, people! I just think if I were also a spender, we would be paying off our mortgage in eight, nine, ten years from now as opposed to the five. No, you can't say it. I think someone has to run it in. I am now ready to rule. Any other questions? I'm trying to play devil's advocate here. Who breaks down the boxes?
Every time. It's not even an attempt. Are they thrown out in the garage? No, just right in the walkway. The worst possible spot. Can I tell you, I think that's the root cause of the rift in your relationship. It's a part-time job for me breaking down Amazon boxes in my house. And I'm tired of it. George, that's very perceptive. If you bought it, you break it down. Jenny. Hey, I have a question. No, I don't agree with that, but...
Of course you don't. Spoken as someone who's never broken down a box in her life. She's never had a splinter. She doesn't even know what it is. Look at these nails. Look at these things. That's big money right there. You can't hide money. How did you grow up with money?
Oh, I can tell you. Yes, exactly like Ken's thinking. Go ahead, tell us. Yeah, tell us. Okay. You know, we had what we needed, but nothing more, really. Was it stress? Was there like a level of stress with it? Okay, so I think the real issue, honestly, I think understanding what is going on, like we had a couple, some friends over, and he was literally talking about how he got frustrated that she buys the nicer milk.
And she's like, I just don't get it. And they're fine financially, all this stuff, but she, do y'all relate? You got that? Where it's like, why? This guy wants generic milk. But the reality was, seriously, of what he viewed of money. Like there was a level of, a deeper level of security fear. Is everything going to be okay? Right? It's kind of these deeper questions that almost get triggered that you may not even realize.
And then for you, you feel shame, and you feel bad and guilty with doing the plan, the plan that we've planned out, and you're making me feel this way. And so I don't feel like I have permission to enjoy the income of our household because I'm getting judged with every little purchase, and that's probably hurtful, right? So deep down in it, I think seeing each other
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Chapter 6: How can veterans transition to meaningful work after military service?
I'm siding with you, lady. What's your name again? Jenny. Oh, it's right there. Sorry, Jenny. That's a lady. You're siding with Jenny. I'm siding with Jenny. I think that it's totally appropriate. It does not feel out of bounds. It's not a crazy percentage of your income. It's a controlled matter. You're doing the budget. You're tracking in the EveryDollar app. I mean, you know what's going on. You have the freedom to spend.
Judge George, I've always wanted to say that. It feels good. The court has ruled. I'm going to go with Jenny caveat. Jake must look at the budget and must find a hobby and force a line item in budget to spend money. Jenny will hold him accountable for spending said money. Is that fair? And in response, Jenny must break down boxes for one month. And that's fair. I'm fair. I'm tough, but I'm fair.
I have to concur with my fellow judges. Jake, to you, number one, you've been a good sport. Number two, you're terrified. No, I'm serious. I'm looking at a young man who's been terrified his whole adult life because of what he grew up with money. So I'm going to side with Jenny.
but I'm going to tell you to, over the next 30 days, force yourself to have some conversations with people you trust, you feel very safe with, including Jenny, about your real fears of money. I mean, real tangible fears. At this point in your life, a young man who's doing a great job providing for his wife and those little kids, you're terrified. And the thing that's going to help you is to confess what that fear is, number one. Number two, you need to confess to her that you have not trusted her like you need to trust her.
You've stayed out of the budget, so the trust is there to a degree, but the side eye and the bad attitude about the packages and all the things is a manifestation of the fact that you don't like the way that she spends. And so we've got to get on the same page. And as a guy who's 51,
Three kids that are teenagers, one's here in college in Chicago, and it goes like that. I told Rachel today the days are long, but the years are short. And I'm going to tell you something. If you're not careful, you're going to be fearful your entire kids' lives, and they're going to adopt that same view. As opposed to you are not promised tomorrow, you better have some fun and make some freaking memories with Jenny and those babies. Well, that's my ruling. Thank you, guys.
Thank you guys so much. That was so good. That takes a lot of bravery right there. I want to do more of that. Great job. What? Pastor Ken. That was good. Pastor Ken rebuking the fear. I'm telling you. I love it. That's what it is. You called it out. It's true though, yeah. Listen, quick shout out to Rachel. You really helped me begin to see this on the show when you wrote your book, Know Yourself, Know Your Money. And I give that book away all the time on the show. You hear me do it to couples.
That's the deal. That entire book would save marriages from financial ruin. So if you know a couple that struggle with money, get Rachel's book, Know Yourself, Know Your Money, gift it to them. It really does what we just did there. And I want to say thanks to them. That was fun. All right, let's get to our next question. Who do we got next? This is fun. Let's give them some love when they come up to the mic. There we go. Yeah.
Tell us your name and where you're from. My name is Lynette. I'm from a little town south of here called Odell. My question is about the average person who's trying to make ends meet. My husband and I are starting a financial class at our church next week. I am also the outreach director at our church, so I'm in our community. I'm seeing the needs. I run our church's food pantry, and people just aren't making it.
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Chapter 7: What are the benefits of the new EveryDollar budgeting app?
Give us a little bit more of a economic picture in that area. How much of this, we know a lot of this is debt, we get that, but how much of this is a limited economy for people to move up? Is it a low wage area is what I'm getting at? Yes, I actually know the stats on that. I think we're at 15% poverty level and below. And then I'm not sure if you're familiar with the term Alice, but it's
Asset limited, income constrained, meaning they have no assets and also the ability to make income is constrained. Is that government housing? We have some, yes. In addition to that, we're just losing government funding, so we lost our rural transit in our area for low-income people. It's just kind of sad. Yeah, that's hard. That's tough. Kind of sad for us. Not us.
But our community. But your community. Yes. Yes, absolutely. Well, yeah, I kind of partial the two conversations. I do think there's a real poverty conversation that they're in a very, very, very difficult situation. And then you have another group that's just living the middle-class lifestyle in general and where their expectations are for lifestyle. So I would probably tackle those two different things probably differently, probably what I would say. Yeah.
But I would speak probably more to the middle class situation that what our expectations are in life.
is so much higher than it was in the 80s, right? Like you look at square footage of home, you look at material of what our kitchens are made of. I mean, whatever the thing is, what we expect in life today is just so much greater and it's not a reality, right? And so for people just to get what they want with the income that they have. And that's what we tackle, I feel like, a lot on The Ramsey Show. There's a lot of that because it's a lot of credit card debt and car loans. It's all the consumer side and...
um but for your situation specifically i mean that poverty that's that's a much harder bigger conversation um and can you talk a lot about work finding i mean the income is that that's that's the answer is getting the income up and so how to do that and what that looks like it's a lot there's a lot of facets to that but finding yeah not a i can't give a really succinct
Because the reality is this is a macroeconomic problem in your area. It feels micro because it's local, but it's macro. And, you know, George can speak to, you know, how they can cut, cut, cut to the bone. But at the end of the day, if they're limited income, their quality of life is not going to be very, very good. So now...
I hate to say this, but if you want to help those people, you help them find a path to a better job, and that means a pathway out of that community. Our largest community is about 30 minutes away, 30 miles away, so that's hard. For many of them, they don't have reliable transportation, which you can imagine, with no income. But I agree with you. I mean, yes, we need to find something, somewhere for them to work to get them ahead, but it's hard where we live.
Well, and let me encourage you, the messaging for you needs to be, this is going to be a long path. It's a little bit of Dave Ramsey truth. You know what he tells people that call us and they got 500 grand in debt? He just goes, look, the next three, four years, this is not going to be a fun life.
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Chapter 8: How can I celebrate financial milestones with my community?
covered wagon mentality. Let's say we're gonna take everything we own and we're going to make a better life. Now that is a message of empowerment. And you don't get that in politics because what you get is policy and all the arguing. But in all reality, in your situation, it is an economically depressed area and there is no simple solution. It is gonna be rugged individualism.
pull themselves up by their bootstraps with a lot of encouragement from people like you in the community that can say we're going to help these people and if it if it winnows down our community so be it because by the way that's going to happen anyway and i'd rather it happen on the backs of capitalism and rugged american individualism than to just watch the thing die slowly and watch them die on government benefits
That's not a good way out. So, you know, they don't have much of a choice. But I want to bring George in because I think he's got great insight here on there is a way to teach and to promote living on very little. Yeah. Is it your book, George?
No, I'm not going to... Just read my book. I'm happy to gift that to you guys and send you a box to all the folks out there. I think the true answer is, as Dave would say, we don't sell magic wands. You're going to have to choose your heart. Heart is staying where we are. Heart is moving. I mean, I've come from a family of immigrants. My parents immigrated to this country, and that's a really hard thing to do, to leave the culture, to learn a new language, to learn new skills, but that's what it's going to take to get out of their poverty situation. So what you can
do is on a case-by-case basis sit down with everybody and have them make an every dollar budget and go, okay, what is the root of the problem? Because at least then we have clarity. If it's an income problem, great, we know we need to go make more. If it's a debt problem, we know, hey, we got to get rid of these payments, we're going to debt snowball this by making more, selling stuff, side hustles, whatever they can do. And the budget will give them at least a financial reality check of them just looking in the mirror instead of looking to all the things they can't control out there, which just creates a new cycle of cynicism and hopelessness. Sure.
and so that person the mirror they are really the secret sauce they are the solution and so your job the best you can do is help them believe that i'll try thank you for what you do yeah it's a very noble give her some love wow i i'm so inspired by lynette that i know that's amazing because i'm going to tell you something that is
really difficult work. It is difficult work to be a light in a community like that where there is no light. And so you're a great American. Is that your husband with you? Okay, what's his name?
Colin, okay, well, I just wanted to shout you guys out. You really represent the best of us, and any way we can support you, just let our team know tonight we want to make sure we get as much resources as we can to you. Let's pump as much sunlight of financial peace as we can. James, our fearless leader, is here tonight. How many of you ever laid eyes on James Childs?
Producer James! Give James Child some love! This is our guy! You hear us talk about him, and he keeps us, I mean, God bless this guy, to keep us all on the rails, including Dave. I mean... It's not easy. And isn't he handsome? Look how ruggedly handsome he is. A lot of personalities, literally. A lot of personalities. So, number one, we wanted you to meet James. James is phenomenal. James, tell everybody real quick how long you've been producer of The Ramsey Show. Fourteen years. Fourteen years!
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