Rachel Eliza Griffiths

I was just kind of in free fall.

And when I got to the bottom of this flight of stairs, I just thought, Rachel Eliza, stand up, get up, get focused here.

You don't have time to fall down the stairs and be a wreck and die.

be crying in a mess like you've got to bear down now and so when I look back at that moment you know in that moment I actually really did feel like hey that's it you're done with falling down you have to go forward and get through this day and you don't know what's coming but you've got to be present in every single moment you've got to pay attention now where you put each foot down and walk and that's what happened you know for me after taking a really really

really violent tumble down the stairs.

I think there was a great deal of dissonance for me.

When I was caring for someone and doing all of these things, I didn't cry in the hospital room because I just didn't think that would be helpful.

And really, I didn't have the energy.

I had to conserve energy for all of these different balls that were all in the air.

And when you've just married someone and now you're responsible for their survival, you're part of being involved in life or death situation.

You don't really have time to tally up how strong you are, how brave you are, how courageous you are.

You have to keep going.

And I was in survivor mode.

So I would have very vulnerable moments.

I cried in a lot of corners and stairwells.

And

Yeah, I threw up a lot.

I was really sick.

My whole body was in shock.

And at the same time, I don't know how to explain it.