Randy Paterson

We think that it's impolite to be assertive or that it's aggressive to be assertive or that all assertiveness is is watered down aggression. A variety of different beliefs can keep us away from simply stating what we think, what we want, what we're willing to do, and what we're not.

Yeah, it's mostly a matter of rehearsal. And in fact, I would say that I'm not a natural. I don't think anybody is really born with this. Some people might have been born with more of a tendency toward it than me. But I've often said that when you're learning from someone, you don't want to learn from a natural because they'll just say things like, well, you know, just do it. It's easy.

Yeah, it's mostly a matter of rehearsal. And in fact, I would say that I'm not a natural. I don't think anybody is really born with this. Some people might have been born with more of a tendency toward it than me. But I've often said that when you're learning from someone, you don't want to learn from a natural because they'll just say things like, well, you know, just do it. It's easy.

Yeah, it's mostly a matter of rehearsal. And in fact, I would say that I'm not a natural. I don't think anybody is really born with this. Some people might have been born with more of a tendency toward it than me. But I've often said that when you're learning from someone, you don't want to learn from a natural because they'll just say things like, well, you know, just do it. It's easy.

It's perfectly straightforward. Right. You want somebody who actually had to learn. But you're quite right. I mean, when we think about assertive people, they're often people we admire.

It's perfectly straightforward. Right. You want somebody who actually had to learn. But you're quite right. I mean, when we think about assertive people, they're often people we admire.

It's perfectly straightforward. Right. You want somebody who actually had to learn. But you're quite right. I mean, when we think about assertive people, they're often people we admire.

And so one of the tricks is indeed to think of those individuals, like who is it that I admire, not because they're so hard edged and nasty, but because they're able in a kind, compassionate, clear way to set their boundaries without

And so one of the tricks is indeed to think of those individuals, like who is it that I admire, not because they're so hard edged and nasty, but because they're able in a kind, compassionate, clear way to set their boundaries without

And so one of the tricks is indeed to think of those individuals, like who is it that I admire, not because they're so hard edged and nasty, but because they're able in a kind, compassionate, clear way to set their boundaries without

know being grossly offensive all of the time uh and without it being deadly serious john i need you to understand my boundary around who steals the pencils from my it doesn't have to be like that you can be much more casual by saying what like like what would how that example what would you say differently John, I can show you where the pencils are in the storage cupboard if you'd like.

know being grossly offensive all of the time uh and without it being deadly serious john i need you to understand my boundary around who steals the pencils from my it doesn't have to be like that you can be much more casual by saying what like like what would how that example what would you say differently John, I can show you where the pencils are in the storage cupboard if you'd like.

know being grossly offensive all of the time uh and without it being deadly serious john i need you to understand my boundary around who steals the pencils from my it doesn't have to be like that you can be much more casual by saying what like like what would how that example what would you say differently John, I can show you where the pencils are in the storage cupboard if you'd like.

Might be a perfectly assertive thing to do. Another would be, I need the pencils, so do leave them here. Oh, I like that.

Might be a perfectly assertive thing to do. Another would be, I need the pencils, so do leave them here. Oh, I like that.

Might be a perfectly assertive thing to do. Another would be, I need the pencils, so do leave them here. Oh, I like that.

I'm dealing with the behavior and the behavior rather than the person. One of the tricks with assertiveness is that you don't address the person's character at all. You don't say things like, I want you to be more respectful. I want you to be smarter. It's what do you want them to do? Leave the pencils here, please.

I'm dealing with the behavior and the behavior rather than the person. One of the tricks with assertiveness is that you don't address the person's character at all. You don't say things like, I want you to be more respectful. I want you to be smarter. It's what do you want them to do? Leave the pencils here, please.

I'm dealing with the behavior and the behavior rather than the person. One of the tricks with assertiveness is that you don't address the person's character at all. You don't say things like, I want you to be more respectful. I want you to be smarter. It's what do you want them to do? Leave the pencils here, please.

Yeah, although even in a situation like that, and this is where it can be a little bit tricky to figure out, okay, how am I going to address this and why it's often important to think it through before you're in that situation. But it might be something like, John, you were going to get that report done by the 22nd. Here we are, it's the 22nd.