Richard Hogan

So you're not having to go around all the time like, you know, these are my boundaries.

Yeah, yeah, because this is the thing.

You could say, all right, our boundaries should be subtle and we shouldn't have to express them.

But if someone is ignoring boundaries that you are kind of clearly indicating,

It can be hard to manage that without seeming like the difficult person then.

Do you have to sometimes explicitly communicate?

Yeah.

Okay.

And that's actually a boundary in itself.

It's not to be in the other people's heads wondering what they're thinking about us.

And if you go down to the pub... You can't control what everyone else is thinking about you.

Yeah, people are very, very... Terrified of conflict.

...obsessed with what other people think of them.

What would people think?

Yeah, you see, that's the other thing, like even take it lower than a conflict, even like a slight confrontation where you actually have to like stand your ground.

Yes.

That can be quite difficult in situations.

And you're the one, you don't get uncomfortable.

You just sit with it and know that they're squirming.

The extreme version of the silence is probably, which I think is what a lot of people do, is withdrawal.