Rivkah Reyes

And it must be that one.

Yeah.

I go absolutely insane and I tear my entire closet apart, my entire dressers, and I cannot leave the house until I have found that specific black crop top.

Anytime I'm late, if you're watching this and you have been personally victimized by my lack of punctuality, it's because I was looking for a very specific black crop top.

But my brain, and I think this of a lot of people in recovery from whatever addiction, we're very willful, we're very resourceful.

We got our wits about us and we're smart, but too smart for our own good sometimes.

And it just leads to so much control issues and disaster and destruction, where in my relationships, I tend to skew on the love avoidant side of things, which is hard for me to...

still, like, admit that I'm still working through after all these years of recovery therapy, et cetera, EMDR, fucking, like, ketamine therapy, like, TMS, whatever the magnet one is, and they put the little cap on it.

I'm in it.

Kundalini, like, meditation, somatic.

I still have this thing where because I think I know now that I have this, like, deeply addictive personality, I'm scared that it's going to bleed onto my partner's

in a negative way, and so I tend to be a little detached, a little too cool for school when on the inside I'm pining, yearning.

I use my music as a creative outlet for that, but then when I'm in a relationship, I'm kind of like, oh yeah, that's cool.

And they're like, okay, but how do you feel?

And so it's like it's it's it's a tricky journey.

I just don't want anybody to, you know, feel like they're being held hostage.

But I also need to have a heart.

like well with relationships it's tricky like with substances and stuff like like cigarettes or caffeine even at a certain point your body's gonna be like enough with relationships you kind of gotta just know what you need I struggle with that like I still struggle with it I feel like there's just this level of balance right and like you know going back to the god stuff a little bit like I do believe that

sex is this beautiful thing that was given to us by God and we so easily go to extremes of abusing it and overdoing it with sex, love, dating, and everything in between where it becomes limerence and you're just waiting for the text and all you care about is when this person is gonna watch your story and that becomes your God.

My God, I'll speak from my experience.