Rob Dial

That if you were in a situation that was maybe unsafe or unpredictable or had parents that were emotionally absent, a lot of times you don't think, oh, it's the parent's fault. You unconsciously think, I must fix this. So there's something wrong with me. And so we blame ourselves a lot of times so that we can keep that parental attachment intact.

That if you were in a situation that was maybe unsafe or unpredictable or had parents that were emotionally absent, a lot of times you don't think, oh, it's the parent's fault. You unconsciously think, I must fix this. So there's something wrong with me. And so we blame ourselves a lot of times so that we can keep that parental attachment intact.

So what does control look like when it's a child's tool for surviving chaos? Well, it could be something like being the good kid so that you don't rock the boat. It could be monitoring everyone's mood before speaking. It could be keeping your space really tidy because you feel like something was unstable. It could be trying to fix everyone else's problems that weren't yours to fix.

So what does control look like when it's a child's tool for surviving chaos? Well, it could be something like being the good kid so that you don't rock the boat. It could be monitoring everyone's mood before speaking. It could be keeping your space really tidy because you feel like something was unstable. It could be trying to fix everyone else's problems that weren't yours to fix.

So what does control look like when it's a child's tool for surviving chaos? Well, it could be something like being the good kid so that you don't rock the boat. It could be monitoring everyone's mood before speaking. It could be keeping your space really tidy because you feel like something was unstable. It could be trying to fix everyone else's problems that weren't yours to fix.

It could be becoming a people pleaser so that peace was kept in the house and nobody fought in any sort of way. And this wasn't about being mature for your age, which I know many of us hear when our children, oh, they're such a good child. They're so mature for their age. Really what this is is hypervigilance disguised as responsibility. Think about that for a second.

It could be becoming a people pleaser so that peace was kept in the house and nobody fought in any sort of way. And this wasn't about being mature for your age, which I know many of us hear when our children, oh, they're such a good child. They're so mature for their age. Really what this is is hypervigilance disguised as responsibility. Think about that for a second.

It could be becoming a people pleaser so that peace was kept in the house and nobody fought in any sort of way. And this wasn't about being mature for your age, which I know many of us hear when our children, oh, they're such a good child. They're so mature for their age. Really what this is is hypervigilance disguised as responsibility. Think about that for a second.

A child at five, six, seven, eight years old isn't necessarily responsible, but they become responsible as a way to keep the peace or as a way to feel more safe around everything that's happening. And it worked for a while in your childhood. It worked because you built it in some sort of way. And once again, the child is not unconsciously building this. The child is unconsciously building this.

A child at five, six, seven, eight years old isn't necessarily responsible, but they become responsible as a way to keep the peace or as a way to feel more safe around everything that's happening. And it worked for a while in your childhood. It worked because you built it in some sort of way. And once again, the child is not unconsciously building this. The child is unconsciously building this.

A child at five, six, seven, eight years old isn't necessarily responsible, but they become responsible as a way to keep the peace or as a way to feel more safe around everything that's happening. And it worked for a while in your childhood. It worked because you built it in some sort of way. And once again, the child is not unconsciously building this. The child is unconsciously building this.

But what's really important is, is just because something was useful in the past doesn't mean that it's serving you right now. What protected you back then a lot of times traps you now. Because as an adult, this strategy kind of morphs and changes into perfectionism or micromanaging other people or anxiety when things aren't planned out.

But what's really important is, is just because something was useful in the past doesn't mean that it's serving you right now. What protected you back then a lot of times traps you now. Because as an adult, this strategy kind of morphs and changes into perfectionism or micromanaging other people or anxiety when things aren't planned out.

But what's really important is, is just because something was useful in the past doesn't mean that it's serving you right now. What protected you back then a lot of times traps you now. Because as an adult, this strategy kind of morphs and changes into perfectionism or micromanaging other people or anxiety when things aren't planned out.

or the inability to trust others to quote-unquote do it right, or guilt when you're not on top of everything, or becoming a helicopter parent. Control, control, control, control. That's how it morphs from childhood into adulthood. And when you control, control, control, control, control other people, what does it feel like? To the other person, it feels like being smothered.

or the inability to trust others to quote-unquote do it right, or guilt when you're not on top of everything, or becoming a helicopter parent. Control, control, control, control. That's how it morphs from childhood into adulthood. And when you control, control, control, control, control other people, what does it feel like? To the other person, it feels like being smothered.

or the inability to trust others to quote-unquote do it right, or guilt when you're not on top of everything, or becoming a helicopter parent. Control, control, control, control. That's how it morphs from childhood into adulthood. And when you control, control, control, control, control other people, what does it feel like? To the other person, it feels like being smothered.

It's not that you love control. It's that your nervous system associates control with safety. And that's what it really comes down to. This is deeper than habits and character traits. It's a wiring that happened in childhood. It's the operating system that's underneath your adult life. The little inner child inside of you never healed from what it went through.

It's not that you love control. It's that your nervous system associates control with safety. And that's what it really comes down to. This is deeper than habits and character traits. It's a wiring that happened in childhood. It's the operating system that's underneath your adult life. The little inner child inside of you never healed from what it went through.

It's not that you love control. It's that your nervous system associates control with safety. And that's what it really comes down to. This is deeper than habits and character traits. It's a wiring that happened in childhood. It's the operating system that's underneath your adult life. The little inner child inside of you never healed from what it went through.