Robert J. Coplan

Because you're right, it's only you individually who can say, this is the right amount of alone time for me.

This is the right amount of solitary time for me.

And finding that balance, that's what's going to help you do the best.

That's what's going to make you feel the best.

And that's why I'm always very suspicious when people make strong prescriptive statements like everyone should spend six hours a day socializing and take a two hour walk in the woods and then they will be happy.

It just doesn't work that way because it's different for everyone.

And that's OK.

I wonder if you might say that to a parent of three young children.

There are certainly lots of people who are in situations where there are huge demands on their time and they are at work all day and then they come home at the end of the day after being around people all day and they have a family to take care of and they are with a romantic partner and they may find it almost impossible to get a moment by themselves.

Certainly parents of young children are among the group that tell us that they miss time alone the most.

And one of the things that I think we should try to normalize is asking for that time alone.

There's a lot of social pressures, particularly in Western and North American society to socialize.

And that's a good thing.

As I always say, it is good to socialize and it is good to spend time with other people.

It helps us, it makes us feel better.

But sometimes it's also good to spend time for yourself

And although some people might be in a situation where they can coordinate their schedules and plan in those solitary activities, which I think is a wonderful thing to do, not everybody's schedule is as flexible or has that kind of openness that allows them to do exactly what you're suggesting, which is just go in and close the door.

If a mother of three young children goes in and closes the door to her bedroom, two minutes later, they're all going to be knocking.

I mean, the short answer to that is yes.

So I think there's a lot of myths about solitude.