Robert J. Coplan

We tend to be pretty poor predictors of how we're going to enjoy social and solitary experiences.

So my advice for extroverts and sociable people who really spend most of their time and enjoy being with other people, that's great, and please go and do that, but also give yourself a little bit of a push to spend time by yourself and build up those solitude muscles.

And then you have some people who really do enjoy spending that time alone, right?

They enjoy the quiet time, they enjoy doing their own things, and maybe they're less comfortable when they're with other people.

And for people like that, I would say give yourself a little bit of a push to go interact with other people.

You might not think that you're going to enjoy it, but it turns out even for people who are introverted and socially anxious and feel nervous about interacting even with strangers, even a short interaction with a stranger raises our mood and makes us feel better.

So I think all of us could probably use a slight push in one direction or the other.

Yeah, I mean, I like to hope that over the last few years, we've tried to sort of popularize the idea that it could be a problem to not get enough time alone.

Some really interesting research suggests that when you are feeling like you want more alone time, you tend to blame the people around you.

So when one member of a romantic couple feels like they are lonely, that they don't have enough alone time, it makes them more angry at their romantic partner.

And when a manager at work

is feeling like they're overwhelmed and not having a moment to themselves, they tend to have more harsh interactions with their employees.

So it certainly comes out in maybe even unexpected ways.

And so I think it is really, it's almost like a public service announcement to make sure that people understand that this is a thing.

If you don't get enough time alone for you, whatever that means, whether it's your 15 minutes or your four hours per day or however much it is, if that's not enough for you, if your need for solitude is not satisfied,

It's likely to make you feel stressed.

It's likely to make you feel sad or angry.

And the only way that you'll be able to reduce those feelings is by giving yourself that sort of time out.

I think that's pretty reasonable.

So, I mean, again, you know, most people are going to fall somewhere in the middle, right?