Robyn Fivush

So some parents, some families are very elaborative or collaborative. So I'll give you an example. It's a very simple example. This is actually one of my favorite conversations. It was between a mother and her eight-year-old child. And they had gone to Callaway Gardens, which is a recreational, beautiful garden near here. They'd been on a long bike trip.

And the child, I'll call her Rebecca, was riding on the handlebars of the mother's bike. And the mother was a bit of a daredevil, and Rebecca was a little scared because her mother was kind of going a little wild. And her mother is saying, you know, oh, it's so much fun, you know, rushing down those cobblestones. And Rebecca was saying... Yeah, I was, you know, I was a little scared.

And the child, I'll call her Rebecca, was riding on the handlebars of the mother's bike. And the mother was a bit of a daredevil, and Rebecca was a little scared because her mother was kind of going a little wild. And her mother is saying, you know, oh, it's so much fun, you know, rushing down those cobblestones. And Rebecca was saying... Yeah, I was, you know, I was a little scared.

And the child, I'll call her Rebecca, was riding on the handlebars of the mother's bike. And the mother was a bit of a daredevil, and Rebecca was a little scared because her mother was kind of going a little wild. And her mother is saying, you know, oh, it's so much fun, you know, rushing down those cobblestones. And Rebecca was saying... Yeah, I was, you know, I was a little scared.

And the mother, they both laugh. So they're not laughing at Rebecca. They're laughing together. The mother says, yeah, you were a little scared. I was, maybe I shouldn't have done that. And then, you know, what else do you remember about it? And Rebecca says, oh, I was getting so tired. And, you know, I wanted to be home. And the mother, like, confirms, like, yes, it was a long day.

And the mother, they both laugh. So they're not laughing at Rebecca. They're laughing together. The mother says, yeah, you were a little scared. I was, maybe I shouldn't have done that. And then, you know, what else do you remember about it? And Rebecca says, oh, I was getting so tired. And, you know, I wanted to be home. And the mother, like, confirms, like, yes, it was a long day.

And the mother, they both laugh. So they're not laughing at Rebecca. They're laughing together. The mother says, yeah, you were a little scared. I was, maybe I shouldn't have done that. And then, you know, what else do you remember about it? And Rebecca says, oh, I was getting so tired. And, you know, I wanted to be home. And the mother, like, confirms, like, yes, it was a long day.

But they're laughing and they're having a good time. And at the end, the mother says, we have a good time together, don't we? And Rebecca says, yes, we do. So they had different perspectives on that event. Rebecca may not have had as much fun as her mother. But they kind of come to an agreement that they enjoy being together and that they accept each other for who they are.

But they're laughing and they're having a good time. And at the end, the mother says, we have a good time together, don't we? And Rebecca says, yes, we do. So they had different perspectives on that event. Rebecca may not have had as much fun as her mother. But they kind of come to an agreement that they enjoy being together and that they accept each other for who they are.

But they're laughing and they're having a good time. And at the end, the mother says, we have a good time together, don't we? And Rebecca says, yes, we do. So they had different perspectives on that event. Rebecca may not have had as much fun as her mother. But they kind of come to an agreement that they enjoy being together and that they accept each other for who they are.

They don't have the same memory.

They don't have the same memory.

They don't have the same memory.

Absolutely. And we see that even in the larger families when it's a whole family together. And this is also really particularly important. I mean, obviously, it's important to talk about the fun times, the positive events, laughing, creating those bonds. But it's also important to talk about the challenging experiences. Like I mentioned having a temper tantrum.

Absolutely. And we see that even in the larger families when it's a whole family together. And this is also really particularly important. I mean, obviously, it's important to talk about the fun times, the positive events, laughing, creating those bonds. But it's also important to talk about the challenging experiences. Like I mentioned having a temper tantrum.

Absolutely. And we see that even in the larger families when it's a whole family together. And this is also really particularly important. I mean, obviously, it's important to talk about the fun times, the positive events, laughing, creating those bonds. But it's also important to talk about the challenging experiences. Like I mentioned having a temper tantrum.

If you never talk about it, the child never learns what to do with that emotion the next time it happens. We asked families to talk about challenging experiences. Many of them talked about an illness or death, death of a grandparent or a beloved family pet.

If you never talk about it, the child never learns what to do with that emotion the next time it happens. We asked families to talk about challenging experiences. Many of them talked about an illness or death, death of a grandparent or a beloved family pet.

If you never talk about it, the child never learns what to do with that emotion the next time it happens. We asked families to talk about challenging experiences. Many of them talked about an illness or death, death of a grandparent or a beloved family pet.

And the families that were more collaborative, who really shared the emotional experience, you know, I know that you were really sad about that. I was sad, too. I remember, you know, that you were crying when Susie came over to hug you. And that kind of shared emotional resonance really helps us deal with grief and mourning and difficult experiences more.