Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)

And now that Matt Gaetz has dropped out to try to find the high school from Euphoria, there is a new nominee for Shadiest Nominee, Pete Hegseth, Trump's pick for Secretary of Defense and guy with resting divorce face. And all right, let's hear it, leftist snowflakes. What's wrong with this one?

OK, that's a lot for one person. Alcohol, sex, and financial misconduct? I mean, it's called delegating, bud. Try it sometime. How could someone do so many bad things at the same time? Like, not only are you drinking and harassing women, you've also got to find time to suck at QuickBooks? I mean... Let's go through his charges, because I'm sure the libs are just overreacting.

OK, that's a lot for one person. Alcohol, sex, and financial misconduct? I mean, it's called delegating, bud. Try it sometime. How could someone do so many bad things at the same time? Like, not only are you drinking and harassing women, you've also got to find time to suck at QuickBooks? I mean... Let's go through his charges, because I'm sure the libs are just overreacting.

Like, with the alcohol. I mean, what? He probably had, what, too much Chardonnay at the office Christmas party, like, one time? How bad could it be?

Like, with the alcohol. I mean, what? He probably had, what, too much Chardonnay at the office Christmas party, like, one time? How bad could it be?

Wow. Do you know how hard it is to be the saddest thing at a strip club? I mean, a half-naked pregnant woman dancing to pay her medical bills was looking at him like, damn, this guy needs to get some help. Also, how do you not know that you can't just get on stage at a strip club, okay? They don't even let regulars do that. I'm guessing. I don't know. That's what Wikipedia says.

Wow. Do you know how hard it is to be the saddest thing at a strip club? I mean, a half-naked pregnant woman dancing to pay her medical bills was looking at him like, damn, this guy needs to get some help. Also, how do you not know that you can't just get on stage at a strip club, okay? They don't even let regulars do that. I'm guessing. I don't know. That's what Wikipedia says.

Look, you guys are laughing, but does no one see the tragedy in this? A warrior forced to fight when really he just wants to get on that stage and dance. But yeah, he seems to have nailed the alcoholism. Let's hear about the sexual misconduct.

Look, you guys are laughing, but does no one see the tragedy in this? A warrior forced to fight when really he just wants to get on that stage and dance. But yeah, he seems to have nailed the alcoholism. Let's hear about the sexual misconduct.

Okay, uh, let me just, uh, check this, uh, real quick. Um, all right, yeah, that's not allowed. I don't know what's worse, uh, that he supposedly divided his female staff into party girls and not-party girls, or that he couldn't think of a word for not-party. Uh... He's really a bit of a caveman, isn't he? When the sun in sky, day. When sun go away, not day. Time for party girl.

Okay, uh, let me just, uh, check this, uh, real quick. Um, all right, yeah, that's not allowed. I don't know what's worse, uh, that he supposedly divided his female staff into party girls and not-party girls, or that he couldn't think of a word for not-party. Uh... He's really a bit of a caveman, isn't he? When the sun in sky, day. When sun go away, not day. Time for party girl.

So Pete was reportedly constantly drunk and trying to sleep with the party girls on staff. But what about the financial mismanagement?

So Pete was reportedly constantly drunk and trying to sleep with the party girls on staff. But what about the financial mismanagement?

When he joined this veterans charity, did he think that he was the veteran it was going to? I mean, guys, it would really help my mental health to go to this strip club, okay? I have PTSD. Party time suck my d***. So, um... Unlike wraparound shades, none of this is a great look for Pete Hegseth. But you know what? Hey, these are anonymous quotes from a bunch of haters. I'm sure his mom loves him.

When he joined this veterans charity, did he think that he was the veteran it was going to? I mean, guys, it would really help my mental health to go to this strip club, okay? I have PTSD. Party time suck my d***. So, um... Unlike wraparound shades, none of this is a great look for Pete Hegseth. But you know what? Hey, these are anonymous quotes from a bunch of haters. I'm sure his mom loves him.

Okay, I'm putting mom down as not a potty girl. For more on this controversy surrounding Pete Hegsa's appointment, let's go to Capitol Hill with Troy Wada.

Okay, I'm putting mom down as not a potty girl. For more on this controversy surrounding Pete Hegsa's appointment, let's go to Capitol Hill with Troy Wada.

Yeah, but when he's not passed out, he'll be a big problem. Like, drunk people get mad.

Yeah, but when he's not passed out, he'll be a big problem. Like, drunk people get mad.

Let's adopt a dog. Okay, okay, aren't you worried that a raging alcoholic will have access to the nuclear codes? No.