Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)
speaker
1,179 appearances
40 recordings
3 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Jun 2025
Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsNo recordings in the last 12 months.Older appearances are listed below; set an alert to hear about the next one.
Appearances
Because there's one scene where you throw the penguin back into the ocean.
You've got to say that for legal reasons.
Okay, yeah, so not a real penguin.
And so, yeah, we sort of mixed the two together, and I just... Yeah, and when you're doing these scenes, I was watching it, and it's like, it's... It's comedic. It's not... I won't say you did... You're obviously not doing a sketch when you're in this movie. So is it difficult to kind of, like, dial it to where it's... You know what I mean? Where you're not doing a sketch.
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Ronny Chieng. We got so much to talk about tonight, so let's get right into today's top story. I know you goddamn hippies like to blame Donald Trump for everything up in the country, but hey, not everything that happens is his fault. He has a whole administration that can up for him. So let's find out the latest in our new segment, The Worst Wing.
By now, we all know the story about how Trump's team included a reporter in their war planning group chat. And we don't need to hear it again. But it is super funny, so let's hear about it again.
You think that's funny, don't you? That the stupid Secretary of Defense is so stupid and all drunk that he texted, well, clean on OPSEC when there's a reporter right in the group chat? Yeah? Well, laugh it up, people, because unlike you, I have human empathy for these people who are just trying their best to kill other humans, all right?
And I guarantee that if anyone in this audience had their group chats leaked, it would ruin every single one of your lives. I personally have chats that are actually more sensitive than a missile attack on the Houthis, okay? If you told me that my group chats leaked and then told me it was just my missile attack one, I'd be like, oh, my God, thank God. Thank God.
And by the way, it wasn't even Pete Hegseth who added him. It was some other incompetent guy at the highest levels of government, okay? Like, what, you think Hegseth has the editor of the Atlantic magazine saved in his phone? No way, all right? If Hegseth autofilled a contact into a group chat, it would be like Tampa Bay blonde with Bugs Bunny tattoo. But still, you gotta ask, how did this happen?
I mean, don't you guys have tech support in the government? I mean, what, oh. Well, okay, well, if you ask me, adding a reporter wasn't even the most embarrassing thing to happen on this group chat.
Is anyone else kind of upset that we're conducting war by emoji now? I mean, what does this even mean? What, I'm gonna fist the flag and then light it on fire? There's a reason why you don't use emojis for life and death situations. It's too open to interpretation, okay? Like imagine if your doctor texted you a crab emoji, right? And now you're going, oh my God, I have crabs?
And your doctor has to be like, LOL, no, it's the astrology sign for cancer. You have cancer. But now everyone is yelling at them about this breach of national security or whatever, and the Department of Defense is having trouble defending themselves. Luckily, all of MAGA is there to help them. Counter-argument one. Nobody's perfect.
Boris, I gave you the sound bites. Stop asking follow-up questions. If I wanted to talk to a journalist, I'd be on a private group chat with Pete Hegseth. Okay, cut it out. Like, come on, what, we're just calling this a mistake now? Like, look, my door dasher for getting straws is a mistake that can be rectified with one star and no tip, okay?
But this feels like a major up, and they're acting like nobody will care about this. And honestly, they're probably right. I mean, nothing seems to matter anymore anyway, and everyone will forget this in a few days when Trump sends the new Snow White to Gitmo.
And even if they didn't accidentally add a journalist into this group chat, they weren't supposed to be talking about this stuff on Signal in the first place, okay? Signal might be a good app for you and me and our local drug dealer, but it's not for the Pentagon to plan wars on.
That's right, foreign adversaries could be watching whatever Pete Hegseth types into his phone, like, bar near me, or how to fool breathalyzer, or how to un-crash car. But if you're not satisfied with, it was just a mistake, they have another defense. It was just a mistake that was awesome.
Precision. I mean, even your texts weren't hitting the intended targets, all right? Like, forget the hoothies. I'm surprised they didn't accidentally blow up Hootie and the Blowfish. This is like if your sex tape leaked and you're like, hey, I'm glad you saw all of it, okay? This proves my dick works.
By the way, Mike Johnson, if you're watching, a sex tape is when two people love each other very much, but they also want to masturbate later. Just to summarize, the Trump administration admitted this happened, but it was a small mistake, and it was a good thing that it happened, but also, what if the reporter made the whole thing up? Not a good reporter.
Right. So this reporter who is dishonest and sucks is also correct. And also, we added him to our group chat because he's a fun hang. I mean, you can't use it was a mistake and it was fake news. You got to pick one, okay? You got to get together and figure it out, okay? But not in a group chat. No more group chats.
Showing 521–540 of 1,179 · page 27 of 59
← Previous
Next →