Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)

Wait, that... That's what you're gonna lead with? That's the big tragedy for you? These poor kids will never know the joy of attaching a Schedule K to a 1048. It's not even accurate. I mean, autistic people do pay taxes. Are you thinking of art history majors? But, I mean... Please give us more of your expert opinions about what autistic people can and can't do.

Wait, that... That's what you're gonna lead with? That's the big tragedy for you? These poor kids will never know the joy of attaching a Schedule K to a 1048. It's not even accurate. I mean, autistic people do pay taxes. Are you thinking of art history majors? But, I mean... Please give us more of your expert opinions about what autistic people can and can't do.

What do you mean they don't date? I mean, does the candy compound not have Netflix? Okay, because David took Abby on a safari to Africa. And yeah, could Connor be a little more open-minded about dating blondes? Sure, but couldn't we all? I mean, everything this guy said is ridiculous. Autistic kids will never write poems? Well, who wants kids to write more poems?

What do you mean they don't date? I mean, does the candy compound not have Netflix? Okay, because David took Abby on a safari to Africa. And yeah, could Connor be a little more open-minded about dating blondes? Sure, but couldn't we all? I mean, everything this guy said is ridiculous. Autistic kids will never write poems? Well, who wants kids to write more poems?

That's something we should be preventing. So it's no wonder why people are pissed at him. Most autistic people can do all that stuff. And even the ones who can are still human beings. Who even made RFK the judge of what makes life worth living? I'm sorry, they'll never know the joy of planting bear carcasses in Central Park or holding 85% of the world's mucus in their throats. But whatever.

That's something we should be preventing. So it's no wonder why people are pissed at him. Most autistic people can do all that stuff. And even the ones who can are still human beings. Who even made RFK the judge of what makes life worth living? I'm sorry, they'll never know the joy of planting bear carcasses in Central Park or holding 85% of the world's mucus in their throats. But whatever.

This is a huge project he's taking on. I mean, Lem spent the next two decades trying to figure it out.

This is a huge project he's taking on. I mean, Lem spent the next two decades trying to figure it out.

By September? Wow, that was quick and very specific. I mean, I ordered a couch that isn't going to come by then. But good to know when I'm watching the Wicked sequel this fall, I can focus on the plot instead of wondering what causes autism. I mean, why are you even pretending to study it? We all know you're gonna blame vaccines, okay?

By September? Wow, that was quick and very specific. I mean, I ordered a couch that isn't going to come by then. But good to know when I'm watching the Wicked sequel this fall, I can focus on the plot instead of wondering what causes autism. I mean, why are you even pretending to study it? We all know you're gonna blame vaccines, okay?

This whole thing is more rigged than a golf championship at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, just look at who he hired to do the research.

This whole thing is more rigged than a golf championship at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, just look at who he hired to do the research.

You know when commercials say nine out of 10 doctors agree? This is the 10th doctor. I mean, this guy looks like the reason second opinions were invented. But enough about RFK, let's move on to Elon Musk, living proof that autistic people can do anything, including... Including destroy the government. And as far as his dating life goes, Elon isn't lacking there either.

You know when commercials say nine out of 10 doctors agree? This is the 10th doctor. I mean, this guy looks like the reason second opinions were invented. But enough about RFK, let's move on to Elon Musk, living proof that autistic people can do anything, including... Including destroy the government. And as far as his dating life goes, Elon isn't lacking there either.

Elon, can you just be a normal person and send a dick pic, all right? This is why you should switch the settings on your DMs to followers who don't want to impregnate me only. I mean, you haven't met this person and you're already trying to raw doge her? Like, I... I have to work up the courage to put the moves on my own wife, all right?

Elon, can you just be a normal person and send a dick pic, all right? This is why you should switch the settings on your DMs to followers who don't want to impregnate me only. I mean, you haven't met this person and you're already trying to raw doge her? Like, I... I have to work up the courage to put the moves on my own wife, all right?

Like, hey, if you're not doing anything later, maybe you could, like, I don't know, like, kiss or whatever. Never mind, it's stupid. But... Let's stop thinking about Elon's sperm and get back to actual government stuff. Specifically, the Pentagon, where Pete Hegseth, defense secretary and guy whose tattoos are somehow embarrassed by him, just scored another victory in his war on thinking.

Like, hey, if you're not doing anything later, maybe you could, like, I don't know, like, kiss or whatever. Never mind, it's stupid. But... Let's stop thinking about Elon's sperm and get back to actual government stuff. Specifically, the Pentagon, where Pete Hegseth, defense secretary and guy whose tattoos are somehow embarrassed by him, just scored another victory in his war on thinking.

Like, yeah, I don't want one of those woke social justice books. I'm looking for more of a beach read. Do you have Mein Kampf? This type of censorship is outrageous and un-American, and this has got to be the most disgusting thing Pete Hegseth has ever done.

Like, yeah, I don't want one of those woke social justice books. I'm looking for more of a beach read. Do you have Mein Kampf? This type of censorship is outrageous and un-American, and this has got to be the most disgusting thing Pete Hegseth has ever done.