Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)

No, no, that's not, no. Okay, so tell me what you do on a day-to-day basis. Turns out that turtle was not faking it.

No, no, that's not, no. Okay, so tell me what you do on a day-to-day basis. Turns out that turtle was not faking it.

That sounds great. It was time for me to hit the streets and shadow Lillian on an actual straw raid. First step, case the joint. Clear, clear, clear, clear, clear, clear, clear. All right, clear.

That sounds great. It was time for me to hit the streets and shadow Lillian on an actual straw raid. First step, case the joint. Clear, clear, clear, clear, clear, clear, clear. All right, clear.

Start racial profiling.

Start racial profiling.

Next, look for contraband. These are what we use. Very compostable.

Next, look for contraband. These are what we use. Very compostable.

Turns out this guy was clean, at least for today. But I knew things were about to get real when we hit the mother load. A coffee shop with enough plastic nose candy to take down Nemo's whole goddamn reef.

Turns out this guy was clean, at least for today. But I knew things were about to get real when we hit the mother load. A coffee shop with enough plastic nose candy to take down Nemo's whole goddamn reef.

And now the straw cops are gonna make you pay.

And now the straw cops are gonna make you pay.

Oh, really? That's convenient. Just happen to be switching when we walk in. Okay.

Oh, really? That's convenient. Just happen to be switching when we walk in. Okay.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Is this your straw? Whose straw is this? Straw, straw over here. Sorry, false alarm. It's fine, it's paper. Dispatch, we are entering premises, over. You see that guy over there? The black hoodie? Just gonna go ask him a few questions. Oh, oh, he's going, he's going. Go, go, go, go, go. Straw police, straw police. Drop the straw. Get on the ground .

Is this your straw? Whose straw is this? Straw, straw over here. Sorry, false alarm. It's fine, it's paper. Dispatch, we are entering premises, over. You see that guy over there? The black hoodie? Just gonna go ask him a few questions. Oh, oh, he's going, he's going. Go, go, go, go, go. Straw police, straw police. Drop the straw. Get on the ground .

But despite the successful raid, Lillian wasn't happy.

But despite the successful raid, Lillian wasn't happy.