Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)

Early America, no slaves. Second president, pretty cool. Yeah, you know who else didn't have slaves? Paul the Hardy with the body Giamatti. I'm like, I'm really trying to be unified right now, but Ryan, I'm truly going to kill you. Okay, well, why don't you come over here? I'll unify my fist with your face.

Early America, no slaves. Second president, pretty cool. Yeah, you know who else didn't have slaves? Paul the Hardy with the body Giamatti. I'm like, I'm really trying to be unified right now, but Ryan, I'm truly going to kill you. Okay, well, why don't you come over here? I'll unify my fist with your face.

Oh, I'm sorry that I don't want to walk through a garden staring at Lincoln's penis. Ronnie, what? Why would his penis be out? Because obviously the statues will be naked. Like they are in Europe. They all got little baby carrot dicks, okay? It's called culture. Bro, this is America, all right? Our statues have clothes, wear funny-ass hats, and ride horses.

Oh, I'm sorry that I don't want to walk through a garden staring at Lincoln's penis. Ronnie, what? Why would his penis be out? Because obviously the statues will be naked. Like they are in Europe. They all got little baby carrot dicks, okay? It's called culture. Bro, this is America, all right? Our statues have clothes, wear funny-ass hats, and ride horses.

Okay, look, I'll give you the hats and horses, but they're nude or I walk.

Okay, look, I'll give you the hats and horses, but they're nude or I walk.

Oh! Can we please not D.I. the f***ing garden?

Oh! Can we please not D.I. the f***ing garden?

Gnomes?

Gnomes?

Okay, we are not making a statues into gnomes. And if we did, wouldn't it be Ruth Bader Gnomesburg? I hate you, and I hate your half of the country.

Okay, we are not making a statues into gnomes. And if we did, wouldn't it be Ruth Bader Gnomesburg? I hate you, and I hate your half of the country.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, Desi.

Thank you, Desi.

Fine, fine, but she's nude and her boobs have to look like Paul Giamatti.

Fine, fine, but she's nude and her boobs have to look like Paul Giamatti.

I'm fine with that, as long as she's surrounded by, like, a lovely little field of begonias. Begonias? You stupid f***. It's Piccadilly, so I burned this garden to the ground.

I'm fine with that, as long as she's surrounded by, like, a lovely little field of begonias. Begonias? You stupid f***. It's Piccadilly, so I burned this garden to the ground.