Rory McIlroy
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Much more than any amount of screen time on the toilet does.
When you hold your breath with twice your body weight on your back and you go, that's a good hemorrhoid risk.
All right.
I almost got a hemorrhoid watching you do that.
Exerting gives hemorrhoids.
Listen, high achievers have hemorrhoids, kids.
I don't know what to tell you.
You want to be a nothing in life?
Care if you get hemorrhoids or not.
If you're exerting so hard that part of your intestine comes out your butthole, you're fucking trying.
Until then, you haven't tried hard enough.
I don't even know if that's what a hemorrhoid is.
That's what I imagine it is.
It's in that ballpark.
All right.
We also want to announce that Beer Bowl 2026 is actually happening.
That's right.
We've been debating it, whether to bring it back or not.
And to be honest, it's just too fun to not do.
We have to do it.