Ruby Wright

And they were, you know, they were part of, he was part of that.

And of course I was, I felt like I was living in exile.

I felt like I'd been exiled to this foreign country, albeit a beautiful one, and it was six miles away, but I felt I couldn't have been further away.

And Andrew was...

welcomed into the bosom of the family, and I think that caused enormous resentment from me.

I know it did.

And I don't know whether Andrew ever understood that, what it was like on a Sunday to know that he was having lunch with my daughter and my son and my ex-partner, and I was here.

I've heard people say that it's impossible to have a relationship.

You can't stay with the person you leave your family for because there's too much guilt and emotion.

Do you think the fact that you left George for Andrew ultimately meant that you couldn't continue this relationship with him?

Yes, I do.

I don't think it's impossible, but I think it was, if not inevitable, it was quite likely that those seeds of destruction that were kind of laid right at the beginning and blame did in the end undermine our relationship.

Did you wish that you could turn the clock back?

No, because at that point I think I was still completely obsessed with Andrew.

You know, this idea that love being a madness.

So I don't think at that point I did wish I could.

I think it was much later I would wake in the night with the window on the wrong side of the room, sometime around dawn or before dawn, I think, and just think, what am I doing in this place?

How have I got here?

And it was as if I'd slept walked out of my other life with no explanation.

And I'd woken up and here I was.