Russ Cook

It was like...

okay, you've got a challenge, you've got a test, you've got to train for it, you've got to be disciplined to accomplish it, you've got to be motivated, you need to believe in yourself, you need to push through hard things.

That was the real start for me of unlocking a new perspective on it.

And then I kind of ran with that, really.

But I do feel that...

Do you know what?

I'm not sure I've actually thought about this too much.

It's a really interesting one to try and unpack.

So you're talking about the gambling, the cult.

I really go back.

These are quite dark days to go back to, to be fair.

But I remember one day...

After I'd been on a gambling, bit of a gambling spiral and spent, I think I spent about two grand, which was like my whole, everything I had.

And it was like, you know, my whole monthly wages and I couldn't afford to pay the rent.

And I was living with my girlfriend at the time in a house and I had to lie to her to borrow rent money.

It's a shame.

Yeah, yeah.

And that deep sense of shame, I think...

I mean, what that moment showed me really is that I had a responsibility in that time to someone that I really cared about.

And my actions alone had really let them down.