Ryan Shelton

but quite a pattern that I've kind of been repeating.

I think probably my whole life is, and I'm kind of like reluctant to talk about it too much because I haven't quite figured out, you know, gotten to the end of this therapy work yet.

But I think a pattern that repeats itself a lot is that I, I'm very reluctant to like, like,

go for something because it's like, well, if I go for something, then I can be rejected.

And so, and I think that goes for, it's always gone for like relationships, like having the courage to ask someone out.

or even like having the courage to suggest that I should do a TV show, I think I've always like sort of waited for the opportunities to come to me.

And so then if it doesn't work out, which my own, because of my own self-belief issues, I assume it won't work out.

So then it's like, oh, well, I won't go for it because then I can't, my feelings can't be hurt.

So, and it was funny, like when I was in this talking to the therapist, I just was thinking about this.

And as you guys know, like my favorite movie is Back to the Future.

And I realized it was like, well, God, I feel like my whole life since watching that movie the first time I've like dreamed of being Marty, but I've never considered the fact that I'm actually George, his dad.

Because George McFly has like this line in it, which is like, I just don't think I could take that sort of rejection.

And so he never like puts himself out there.

He never like aims for anything big because he doesn't, because the thought of being rejected is too painful.

So yeah, I think like, how do I feel now?

I feel, I feel rejected.

And I think,

Even though I do feel a bit of relief because it's been really challenging and I guess now I don't have to be in that discomfort anymore and I don't have to try and make this impossible thing in my mind, impossible thing work.

I think there is a bit of sadness that

I can't help at this stage at least, but take it as proof that I can't do it.