Ryan Shelton

I can't do the TV show.

And...

Yeah, I think I've changed a lot over the years and the things that I really, really want have changed, but it's just happened today.

So right in this moment, it just feels like, well,

it's this, this idea of doing my own TV show has been this thing I've like held, held on a, held aloft as like this ultimate act of expression, like this, like really, uh,

this huge achievement that only some people are able to do.

And only some people get the opportunity to do.

And this, you know, for, for some people it's like winning a gold medal at the Olympics.

For some people it's making a TV show.

For some people it's having kids, you know, whatever, you know, it's different for everyone.

For me, it's always been this.

And that has slightly evolved in the last couple of years, but yeah,

I think maybe if I, without trying to psychoanalyze myself too much, but it's almost like, I feel like a, like a, this, like a, like a, like a, like the kid version of me has just been rejected.

Like the teenage version of me, who's dreamed of doing this as, and if I could do it and if I could get my own show, then it kind of like proves that, um, you know, like I'm,

Yeah, it's like that if I could do the show, then that proves that I'm, you know, worthy is the wrong word, but I'm worth something.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm, you know, I'm proving myself.

And that's not to take away like all the other, I've done lots of great things and I know I have and I'm very proud of this podcast and everything, other things I've done.

But that particular thing, it's, yeah, it's always been like this.

like a, it's like the great trophy, you know?