Ryan Shelton

And it, and it, and I had a very distinct feeling of like, oh, this doesn't, I don't feel anything.

Like it doesn't matter.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

So yeah, so it was that it didn't matter, not that it wouldn't make you.

Both.

Yeah.

Both, yeah.

I knew it wouldn't make me happy because it's sort of like, okay, well, I've got that.

They've said I'm the funniest man in the world, this fictional board of directors of comedy.

But yeah, it became instantly apparent to me that it's like, oh, well, that...

I'm not like happier now.

It's cool and I'm like proud of myself and I'll get a bit of attention and that's pretty cool and I'll get the, you know, the juice that you get from that sort of thing.

But it doesn't change anything in my life.

Yeah, because it was just, it's heartbreaking to hear because I think the bit that certainly you seem to be quite emotional about was the worthiness idea and certainly as a teenager and I just wondered if you had given it thought about how your worthiness, like how they're quite similar, this idea of like getting the TV show and would that make you worthy?

Yeah, I think this is, it's a big, it's probably one of the biggest things I reckon I'm trying to grapple with is I sort of realizing now that so much of my self-worth is attached to my achievements or, you know,

I have this fear that if I stopped achieving things, and I think I mentioned this on an episode, I have this great fear that if I stopped achieving things and creating work that people liked, that people would be

that people would want to spend time with me less or people wouldn't like, like me as much.

And so that's definitely, even though I know that's technically not true, the feel, I feel that it is.