Sabrina Zohar

I want you to focus on how do I feel in my body when I'm with this person?

Do I feel secure?

Do I feel confident that I can say what I need?

Or am I scared that everything I say, I don't know how they're going to react?

You can be excited.

But my mama has said to me, anytime you're excited, you need to add something at the end of the sentence for now.

And everything was, I had a great date for now.

I really liked this guy for now because what it allows us to do is be in the present moment.

For now, I really like this, but I'm not projecting on the future.

I'm not putting that I'm only safe if I have this person because when we put someone on a pedestal, we're saying they're above us.

I have to have them.

But really what we're looking for is two equals.

I give 80% one day, maybe you give 80% and we're balancing and we're going back and forth.

But the presence of safety in a healthy and secure relationship actually means that it's going to be a lot less up and down and it's going to be a lot more consistent.

And for people like me that grew up in chaos, that felt really scary because I didn't understand it.

It's jarring, right?

I'll never discredit anyone's experience that when you think everything's good, but even you said something in the beginning that was really important.

If they spend every other day together, it's like, that's intensity.

And that's the thing.

And that's why it can feel really scary and really, because there's a lot of people, depending on the attachment style that they have, where they go and they operate from feelings minus fear.