Sadia Khan

They are terrified of the truth.

people pleasers would be so scared to ask questions that would lead to the truth so I'll maybe have a people pleaser client and I'm like why have they been gone for so many days like where's your partner been why have they not contacted you oh I don't want to ask I don't want to know like I haven't and they would rather just not know and so they would much rather just you know bury the head on the sand than ask these deeper questions I remember having

one client and he found his wife wasn't sleeping with him but he found that she was taking the is it the plan B or the morning after and she was taking the morning after and you'd see like wrappers of that in the house and I said did you ask her and he's like no I didn't want to ask her that question I didn't want to know I didn't want to

And I was thinking, but wouldn't you want to be like, hey, we're not sleeping together.

Why do you need to take this?

He just didn't want to know the truth.

And that happens with men and women.

They just don't want to know the truth.

They collect the data, but they don't ask the truth.

And the reason they don't want to ask, the second fear they have is they have an intense fear of conflict.

conflict for them is like the worst thing in the world.

Whereas, you know, non people pleasers are like, hey, look, you're late to meet me.

Hey, what's going on?

Where are you?

Like, you're so late.

Like, can you let me know?

Oh, and they hash it out.

And in two minutes, they both forget.

But what people pleasers do is they're so terrified of conflict.

So they build up all the things they're upset about and make narratives in their head, but they don't say it.