Sara Rathner

I mean, it could be shopping sprees, all those, you know, online shopping carts that they're actually clearing out and buying everything.

Amazon purchases.

Who knows?

It could be sending money to a family member or a friend to help them out financially.

I mean, they could be supporting a secret second family.

In that case, you should write that stuff.

I don't normally tell people point blank like, hey, don't be in this relationship.

But if they have a secret second family, I think you should do yourself a favor and get out.

It's not just frivolous spending.

A lot of times people end up in credit card debt because of things like medical bills, things that aren't your fault, unexpected expenses that you have to deal with, car repairs, home repairs, things like that.

So it's not just like buying random stuff online.

It's also using money to solve a lot of life's major problems.

Yeah, I mean, the only way out is through.

And it starts with creating a culture in your relationship where not only do you openly talk about money, but you openly talk about money without fearing judgment from the other person.

Because that's what allows you to feel comfortable being honest.

And so when you have something to say that's hard to talk about,

if you feel like you could talk to your partner about anything and they might not agree with you but at least they'll listen to you then you're more likely to open up about what's going on for you financially if they judge you if they start a fight with you if they make you feel in any way psychologically or physically unsafe when it comes to talking about your money i mean that should be a sign that that that relationship might not need to go somewhere you know what i mean like it's it's

So you need to use these money conversations almost as a way of judging not your partner's spending habits, but your ability as a couple to talk to each other about these things.

And I will tell you, if you think that the solution to the problems you have as a couple when it comes to money communication is to move in together to save money, to get married for the tax benefits, or to have a baby because you want to have a baby, I'm here to tell you that those things will make your life more complicated and make it harder to get out of a bad relationship.

So have these conversations early and often before you take serious steps in your relationship to further entangle your lives.