Sarah Haider
speaker
106 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Dec 2024
Sarah Haider’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
It foregrounded it and it just, I couldn't get angry.
For the first month afterwards, I found it impossible to be outraged. So I would log on. I would see the same feed that I've been seeing for a long time. I tried to manage to muster up enough outrage that I could write a little bit about it. And outrage is a strong word, but just to be provoked enough by something.
Yeah.
It wouldn't be there. And it felt strange because I have been expecting that response for a long time. And interesting, actually, to not be able to feel it. Part of me was alarmed because it was like, okay, then what am I going to do? It's kind of an indictment of the work that I used to do that it required this. But I think everything to some degree requires...
you to be frustrated by something, frustrated by the lack of a solution to an important social problem, the lack of an answer, so you're searching. What ayahuasca did to me that was, I think, the most directly relevant to my work was that I could just step away. Because my eyes weren't being, like, magnetically pulled towards the most outrageous stuff, I would... spend more time on other things.
But I would see the outrageous stuff. I would read it. I would digest it. It just wouldn't have that effect on me. It would just come right back out and I would be able to focus on the next thing. It was difficult to go and do the podcast after that.
So a couple of months ago, this was not recent. No. We had a conversation. Megan and I had a conversation.
Yeah, I called Megan and I was like, you know what, I'm done.
Yeah, I think you didn't believe me, and then you did. And we had plans to, like, end the podcast.
And it has left me with the sense of like, you know, I don't give a shit. I also called you after that and I said, look, we got to end it actually sooner than... Yeah. Because I don't think I can do it.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's so... Well, I fully depersonalized after my last night, which is why I left, which is to say I didn't have a self anymore. It was really crazy. And this was after like some pretty incredible and intense hallucinations, possibly brain damage. I don't know. You know, and or both. Why not both? And I do feel like, you know, just all the shit we talk about.
Not only does it not matter, it just doesn't interest me at all. Like, and I was losing interest for a while. I've been losing interest. But at this point, you know... I can't—when I go on Twitter, I'm not outraged.
Well, we've left some plenty to be mad about. And, like, no way to really get it to us, right? I mean, I guess we're going to leave the comments open. We can leave the comments fully open this time and let them all know. No, no, fuck that. No, they're going to hate.
I'll be seeing you. We'll be chatting.
Um, no. No, I don't think it has. Not in the same way. I think I... I don't have the perspective... that, I mean, maybe this is not so unique, but when you were talking about the fact that our show is a culture war show and that you don't find it very enjoyable, like this kind of provocative kind of conversation, I mean, I never thought I was going to end up doing anything like this.
I don't see it as my personality, but this is where the activist part of me takes control in that I think the thing that is so wrong with our discourse is that so many people who should be talking are not talking.
I think that that creates an environment in which our public discourse is captured by the most extreme voices, like the people who are very, very good at just distilling a one-sided account and performing really well for one particular audience. I thought that's what was broken about the conversation we were having around Islam too. I saw that there were, you know, I mean, there were a few
Atheist types that I thought were doing a decent job But then there were also anti-muslim bigots, you know people who were really opposed to Muslims being in the United States like they didn't they had problems with the religion that were really akin to Xenophobia and I come from a Muslim family. So I you know, I'm sensitive to the consequences of those kinds of politics so I
start speaking about it, not because this is where I wanted to be intellectually, not because this is the best way for me to spend my day, but because I just didn't want to abandon this ground to a certain kind of voice.
I think people think that in order to be nuanced, you also have to be very soft-spoken and hedge your words and not directly poke at, you know, the fire at the moment.
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