Sarah Kanowski

It was that not having it meant that I was worthless.

And I see that today for a lot of young men.

Yeah, I mean, you get that message when you're young.

Like as a boy, I got the message, go to the gym and you'll be fine, right?

Like whatever you're struggling with, just go and do a workout and you'll feel better.

And the issue with that advice is that it's true, right?

That it works.

It helps to regulate feelings.

And I try to talk about this when I'm speaking to others who maybe struggle with the same thing because there's a difference between feelings and emotions, right?

We can regulate dysregulated feelings like intense heart rate or a tight chest or even feeling sweaty palms or nerves or whatever it is.

We can regulate that through physical activity, through breathing exercises, through connecting with someone or sitting with someone.

But emotions are attached to beliefs and you can't regulate a belief by going and doing a workout.

Sometimes you can reinforce a belief by going and doing a workout.

If I just do this gym work and I just get those muscles, I will be worth something to someone else one day.

And so it doesn't help you.

It helps you to regulate the feeling, but it doesn't help you to regulate the emotion.

And that's why...

You know, I think for a lot of us, we gravitate to the gym because we think it's helping us and we think it's our go-to and it's our space out.

And then... And as men and boys, we're told that you're not supposed to talk about it, you're supposed to deal with it in other ways, by investing in your work, investing in your gym or looking a certain way or getting attention from women.

And instead of actually talking about what we struggle with, we just distract ourselves from that.