Sarma Melngailis

speaker

471 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Jan 2026 last heard 1 Jan

Sarma Melngailis’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jan 2026 with 1.

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But what I write about in my book and what really didn't come through is that by the time he took me away,

I was so broken that there's a scene where he drives me away and I'm screaming in the car.

And by scene, I mean, I write about this part in the book because it's almost the last memory I have is being in the car.

And when he tells me we're driving away, I was screaming my head off, which is very unlike me, but like almost like a wild animal just screaming.

And he just let me scream.

And then I wore myself out and

It's as if that was the moment when I just slid into a deep, deep level of dissociation.

And from then on was in a sort of autopilot.

And so if you saw me during that time, I could function, I could talk to a barista at Starbucks, but it's like I wasn't there.

And

that's the part that, again, it's really hard to know how that might feel unless you've been through it.

And so to answer the question, what was I thinking or what was I feeling?

I wasn't thinking and I wasn't feeling.

It's like, that's what dissociation is.

You're thinking and you're feeling is detached.

So you're just almost like a zombie on autopilot.

And then the really gut-wrenching part is when I finally was arrested and I write in my book that it took getting arrested to set me free.

You know, I have warm, fuzzy feelings for the detective who arrested me, who's a lovely person.

And I think he could see what was going on.

The prosecutors in New York, different story.

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