Saskia

I'm proud of myself for taking the time to be by myself and come to some realizations, but it's a scary thing to do at 47 years old.

I wish that it would have happened a lot earlier for me so I could have avoided some of these consequences.

We have no choice but to slow down or stop and deal with things.

In school, I remember crying in the bathrooms and not really knowing why.

Looking back, I was really struggling with depression and anxiety.

That's a big part of why she turned to alcohol.

I remember the first time getting drunk and how good it felt.

It helped me cope with a lot of things that I hadn't dealt with yet were under the surface.

Right.

Maybe that's what I did in my relationships, too.

I didn't get what I needed emotionally, and so that's always what I was searching for, that feeling.

Sure.

Mike was really the first person that I thought actually loved me and was safe.

It would be awful even if it was a stranger who did this to me or someone I had just met.

but the fact that this was my partner for seven years.

Supposed to be the safest person to you.

I mean, he was my best friend.

With him, I felt really cared for, and I've never felt that before in my life.

Yeah.

100%.