Scott Shigeoka
speaker
62 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Jan 2025
Scott Shigeoka’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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So what I mean by that is if you need to have a curious conversation with your teenagers or with your boss, you know, it's better to prepare for it, to actually be intentional about it. You know, where are you actually going to have this conversation? What kinds of questions are you going to be asking? And something that professional athletes do is this idea of mental rehearsal.
So they actually think about the routine that they're going to do on the floor if they're a gymnast, or they think about the plays that they're going to do, you know, on the field, or they think about, you know, shooting a free throw at the free throw line. And we can do the same thing.
We can do mental rehearsal with our conversations, really walking through all the different moments of a conversation that might be really challenging or hard or hostile or scary for us. And what the research has found is that mental rehearsal in this way improves our performance. It makes us better on the field, but also in the conversation that we're going to have in both settings.
So intend is really about how do we just be more mindful, more intentional, and really practice our curiosity before we need to step into the arena with it. V is value. And this is really simple. It's really about how do we see the dignity of every person we're getting curious with? It doesn't matter their politics, their identities, their experiences that they've had.
You have to see and honor their humanity and their dignity, or you will revert to an incuriosity. You'll say, oh, well, you're a part of this group. You vote in this way. You did this in the last elections. So I know everything I need to know about you. But the truth is, is you don't know everything about a person based on who they voted for or what association they're a part of.
You know very little about them, actually. And we are more than just our single identities. We are very nuanced people with many dimensions to who we are. And the final thing is embrace. which is how do we welcome the hard times in our lives?
I think what I often have found in my work and traveling all across the country and world is that people are very curious in low stakes moments, but once things get really challenging and really hard, it's much easier to turn off curiosity.
And so embrace is just a reminder that actually, if you're going through a tough time with your journey around health or a tough time in your relationship with your partner, or a tough time in your own mental health journey. All of these are just examples that I think many people share. That curiosity can actually be a really important companion in all of those pursuits.
It's detach, intend, value, embrace. That's the key components of curiosity and
and to put those into practice in a practical way you start by doing what you just wake up and kind of approach the world differently or i mean what's the what's the how-to here yeah so a couple examples so um one is to remember that curiosity is a spectrum from shallow to deep and so you know shallow curiosity is about getting bits of information about who a person is oh what's your name what do you do for work you know where do you live
But we have to take our curiosity deeper to the deep end. What happens with deep curiosity is that we're able to dive beneath the surface, see a person and all of their stories and all of their nuances, and thus the quality of our questions change. So instead of asking a question like, oh, what's your name? Oh, you're oh, Mike. Oh, I'm Scott.
You might ask a deeper question, a more powerful question like, what is the story of your name? I love that question of what is the story of your name, because it helps you to understand who named you, who named this person that you're talking to, maybe some cultural dimensions or some family legacy connections. I think that's really interesting. Instead of asking, what do you do for work?
you can ask a deeper and more powerful question like, what is really exciting you right now? What are you getting curious about in life right now? Instead of asking, where do you live? You might ask, what does home mean to you? What does home look like for you? And you start to just get a deeper understanding for who this person is instead of just data points.
And so asking deeper and more powerful questions is one tactical way to do that. A second thing to think about is a really simple phrase that you can have in your tool belt, which is tell me more. And this often happens even in my partnership, right? He'll be telling me something about, oh, he's going to this film set to do scouting. And I'm like, oh my God, that's great, babe.
I love that for you.
instead what when i say tell me more oh my gosh like tell me more about the set tell me more about who you're doing that with tell me more about how you're feeling about that opportunity our conversation and our connection becomes so much stronger so what i mean by tell me more here is to be aware of the times when you're in conversation with anyone in your life and you tend to respond with like oh that's really cool i'm so happy for you rather than you know diving deeper into the conversation and learning more
and trying to explore all the parts of this person's interests and their lives.
Yeah, I think a lot of us really do dislike that. And at the same time, I think a lot of us are so afraid to go deeper. I think we're afraid of, oh, what if we're making someone feel a certain way that they don't want to feel right now? Or what if we're asking something that's too personal? And so one of the practices in SEEK is to develop a powerful questions list.
So every time you hear a question that you're like, ooh, I like that question, that's so interesting, it was provocative for me, write it down. Put it in your Notes app, in your iPhone, write it in your journal, have a draft in your email, whatever you want to do to catalog it.
And as you start to do this and create a list of powerful questions, you start to realize that the quality of your questions that you're asking in conversations, whether it's at a party or whether it's in a workplace, you know, it starts to improve drastically.
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