Sean Langan

army so there this whole thing is now hanging on a thread and of course they can force me or shoot me but i turn my back and i never forget i just praying to god and i and i'm aware i've got 10 seconds of fake courage i can only keep this up because every bone every sinew in my body wants to be released and see my children so i'm gonna i can't keep this up for long and but i say no i'm not going

And luckily, he's looking at me.

I can see in his eyes, hi, fuck, I don't need this trouble.

And he gets on the phone to this guy and says, all right, release the fixer.

And he says to my hot, the Americans it was, okay, we've got two packages and we're released.

So they released me and my fixer.

And I never forget, I'm bundled out the back of a car in Peshawar.

They take the hood off and there's this large American older man.

He was my host and he smiles and he says, he shakes my hand, he says, welcome home, sir.

Coming home is the hardest part of captivity, by far.

And that's why it's post-traumatic stress disorder.

Mid-trauma, in any kind of trauma,

including kidnap, your lower part of the brain, the instinct brain, takes over.

You're an autopilot.

And so during my captivity, I never had dreams, nightmares of beheading or death.

Put that out of my head.

I think one night I was dreaming of having my throat cut.

And in fact, I woke up and it was a guy in black shawl with a knife.

But when I came out, it was like that TV series, Homeland, the first episode.

He can't sleep in a bed.