Sebastian Junger

Right?

And... But one of the problems...

I started to have the sense that I wasn't really there and that maybe I had died, which sounds freaky, but apparently it's quite common in people that almost die that they're seized with this fear that they're actually a ghost and they didn't make it.

I know it sounds insane.

And you're right.

But I can just tell you, like, I sincerely had that worry.

It was the ultimate panic disorder, right?

Like that you're dead.

Like what, is there anything bigger to panic about that you're actually dead?

Right.

So, and the problem, the reason I had that, and this gets to another rather mysterious, slightly woo woo part of this whole story is that two days prior, you know, I had no idea, obviously that I had something that was going to kill me in my abdomen.

Um,

I had no conscious idea.

But two days prior, at dawn, my family and I, we still co-sleep.

And so we sleep in a group on a pad on the floor.

And we sleep as a family, the four of us.

And so at dawn on the previous night, so 36 hours prior to almost dying, I was woken by this horrific nightmare, the worst nightmare I've ever had and I've ever heard of.

And the nightmare was this.

that I was hovering above my family and they were crying in grief

And I was waving to them.