Shade Zahrai

They prioritize being liked over anything else.

They say yes when they mean no.

They seek the validation of other people.

They contort who they are to be more palatable to the people around them because if the people around them approve of them, they can finally accept themselves.

But then if someone doesn't approve of them, if someone says no to them, if someone doesn't like them, it becomes like a deep cut and they feel this compulsive need to win back the approval.

So that's the first one, the likability trap.

We then have the second one, which is the shrinking syndrome, where people feel like they're afraid of visibility or afraid of success because deep down they don't believe that they deserve it.

They also internalize failure.

They internalize feedback.

If someone's giving them constructive feedback, they don't see it as a growth opportunity.

They see it as a sign that they're inadequate and it cuts really deep.

And then we also have the fourth one, which is called schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude is really common when people struggle with acceptance and self-esteem.

And it's where you...

enjoy seeing other people fail.

You enjoy seeing other people hurting because it gives you this sense of reprieve, this sense of, oh, thank goodness other people are suffering too.

But it is terrible to get joy from other people's suffering.

And if you ever feel that way, it's a sign that you need to really do that inward work.

I mean, look, clickbaity headlines in a lot of the entertainment magazines are all about that.

and we're driven to read them and they feel this guilty pleasure, it's generally a sign that you're struggling with acceptance.