Shankar Vedantam

You say that once a sense of non-mattering is in place, there are several factors that can make that condition worse.

And one of those is perfectionism.

Why would there be a connection between perfectionism and a feeling of not mattering?

I can also imagine then if people are measuring themselves up to these impossible yardsticks, that a lot of what they're doing then is comparing themselves to other people.

Yeah, I mean, there's always going to be someone who has done something more than you, better than you, faster than you, is richer than you.

You know, how do you get out of that?

Talk about how this feeling of anti-mattering is related to how we can become trapped in these cycles of rumination.

In some ways, you're hinting at this already.

Someone has accomplished something extraordinary.

You know, winning a gold medal at the Olympics, breaking a world record is caught up in their own heads with what they haven't done instead of what they have done.

Among people who are struggling with life's challenges, and also among those who seem to navigate those challenges with ease, there may be a shared sore spot.

The sense that at the end of the day, they don't really matter.

The good news is that a sense of mattering can be consciously cultivated in ourselves and others.

When we come back, how we can foster a sense of being seen, heard, and valued for who we are.

You're listening to Hidden Brain.

I'm Shankar Vedantam.

This is Hidden Brain.

I'm Shankar Vedantam.

Have you experienced a moment in your life when you felt profoundly invisible?

Have you found a way to not feel invisible or to help others feel seen?