Shantira Jackson
Appearances
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Thanksgiving Edition!
A jeweler in Southern California was accused of stealing his customer's jewelry when it was discovered that boxes that were supposed to contain priceless items were swapped out and replaced without his knowledge. It turns out that his seven-year-old daughter was making friendship bracelets for an upcoming Taylor Swift concert.
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WWDTM: Thanksgiving Edition!
And when she saw how boring all the jewelry her dad was selling looked, she decided to pull them out of their velvet boxes and swap them with more festive and colorful Taylor-themed friendship bracelets. When asked why she would do such a thing, she simply claimed that she didn't think diamonds were a girl's best friend because every girl's best friend is Taylor.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Thanksgiving Edition!
Yeah, that jacket. I looked it up. I know. Because I wanted it. It's in the car.
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WWDTM: GWAR, Gretchen Whitmer, Josh Gad, Kara Jackson, and Amber Maykut
So you were the third one, and there have been plenty since then.
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WWDTM: GWAR, Gretchen Whitmer, Josh Gad, Kara Jackson, and Amber Maykut
So do you look at the... The new ones, like, man, y'all got it good. You know, like, how college athletes are getting paid a lot more money now.
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WWDTM: GWAR, Gretchen Whitmer, Josh Gad, Kara Jackson, and Amber Maykut
She's like, yeah, back in the day when I was just 19.
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WWDTM: GWAR, Gretchen Whitmer, Josh Gad, Kara Jackson, and Amber Maykut
That's what I would want. That's my kind. That's what I would want. That's next to me.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
Jennifer Henry really lucked out when she saw the Craigslist posting for a used 2016 Honda Civic R hatchback. Sure, it was kind of beat up. The AC didn't work. You needed rope to close the trunk. And when she went over 65, it shook like a rocket ship at takeoff. But it was hers and she loved it. One day, when she got in the car, the AC was suddenly working.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
And sooner or later, a lot of things in the car started to improve. Instead of a shake, that baby started to sing. And not to be weird, but the wheels even seemed bigger. Jennifer wasn't going to question the improvements, she just felt lucky. Until one evening, when she saw on the news that a street racing ring had been broken up and there was a Honda Civic speeding away from the cops.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
As they announced the license plate number, she realized that little speed demon was her car. Turns out that she had unknowingly purchased a car that is prized among street racers for its aerodynamics, and a local car racer had been stealing her car in the middle of the night, souping it up, and racing it Fast and Furious style.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
Her car was eventually returned to her with just a few scratches, a new radiator, and a big pile of red light speeding tickets.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
I don't mind having at least one robot there. That way if somebody wants to start yelling, you can just do that at the robot and leave the children alone.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
Okay, I think I saw this, like, spent $5,000 on, like, Roblox or something.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
Oh, I saw that. And she tried to cancel it, and Amazon said no.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
I feel like that's what we need AI for. To watch the internet and be like, are you sure? That's a job for our computer. To be like, I don't know lady, do you really want this?
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
Stop trying to make AI recreate Notting Hill and let them do that. That is what AI is for.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
When you're on public transit, if somebody does something crazy, leave them alone. Don't provoke them. Don't provoke them. If somebody's bold enough to be like, yeah, I want to eat onions next to you, you need to know that they're risking it all.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Nathan Lane
I want to know what flight this is. Everybody I get on a plane with stand up before we land.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Nathan Lane
I just know that the worst person you've ever met is going to try and get a Golden Globes.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
That's a lot of work for something you're not supposed to be doing. It's true.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
I like it because I grew up Southern Baptist, and I don't really know too much about the popes. But I will say that this feels like the Olympics is the only time where I'm like, go America, go. Really, yeah. We're all patriots. We won something, and I'll take the gold, even if it's a chalice.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
Okay. I was like, go America, go baby. Let's beat them in something.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
Shantira Jackson. He's going to make carmy from the bear a saint, and now confessions, you have to say three Hail Marys and a yes, chef.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
Honestly, I think that's so funny that a White Sox fan became the Pope to try to help them. That's actually going to be... That's love for Chicago, baby. I'll become the Pope to try to get you a little bit of help.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
I think it's so rude because if I'm at the DMV, you should know that I'm taking things seriously. Like, nobody's just showing up to fool you. I'm not going there unless I'm trying to never come back again.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
Have a mean lady take a picture of me that looks worse than anything I've ever experienced and then said, keep it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Nathan Lane
Have you ever met a woman? I love a man with nice eyelashes. This is how you know men only talk to each other. Girls like eyelashes. We especially like them when they look like ours because we are egotistical.
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WWDTM: Nathan Lane
And then all the men are just going to have pink eye. You know it.
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
The room with the antique furniture placard changed from a Renaissance revival room to skip this room. You can't even sit on any of the couches. Throughout the day, docents were finding and removing the placards display after display. When asked why she did it, the girls said that at school they were learning how the best art is honest art.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
And also, I just lied and said I had permission to do this.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
I'm really upset about this. This is like, I have such fond memories of me and my cousin screaming at each other over that money. Yeah. Like, I just, that's how you like learn how to count and decide whether or not being a landlord is a good thing.
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
I hate banana bread. You do? I do not like it. I like bananas. I don't like bananas in stuff. Sorry. Roy, how do you feel about banana bread?
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Well, if you put it like that, I'll probably eat that too.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
The logic is, it's a boy, and he's a teenager, and he made a big mistake.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
A teenage girl would have had too much stuff. She would have been like, I had to leave one of my bags on the top of the mountain.
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
I think I'm just, like, turning into my dad, because I'll be like, $40, I can make my own yogurt for half that price.
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
No spines, just tops and bottom covers so you can read everything like an accordion.
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Yeah, the me who agreed to go is very different than the me that needs to leave. That's true. You ask me in the daytime, you want me to leave at night.
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
Then they just talk to a suburban mom. My grandma's been buying candles for Christmas for the last 30 years. Everybody goes to TJ Maxx and is like, your cousin will like this towel in six months.
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
She gives it to them. I don't know if they want it.
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
I lived on a cruise ship. I worked on a cruise ship for 18 weeks. 18 weeks.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lauren Graham
And let me tell you, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to go be living on a cruise ship for that long. Shantira, what were you doing? I was doing comedy, you guys. And you know what? It was easy. Everybody's drunk. I've never been funnier.
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, or as his friends like to call him, The Met, has a long history of displaying beautiful art pieces and welcoming children of all ages. One day, a docent brought his daughter to work, only to immediately lose her. The girl had been to the museum hundreds of times, and she decided it was time to put her own spin on the exhibits.
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WWDTM: Lauren Graham
One by one, she went around replacing the placards that give details about the art in the rooms with her own handwritten, honest reviews. The Egyptian room, originally known as the Temple of Dinder, was replaced with a placard that said, this stuff in here is pretty cool, but don't forget about what happened in the mummy. Be chill in here.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Vanessa bayer
She posted the pictures on the subreddit of this white cat with, like, a little green tinge, and someone said this would be a funny way if you found out your husband was having an affair.