Shelly

So I haven't graduated the kids to dishes yet.

I am in a small town about an hour north of Sacramento called Oroville.

I moved here when I was 12, which is right about the time that this story comes into play.

Oh, wonderful.

I grew up in the Bay Area and I moved here in seventh grade.

It was a very formative year for me like you.

And my junior high years, I was in with all the bad girls.

It was just party time through seventh and eighth grade.

I guess so.

One friend just saw me sitting at a table and came up and said, you're mine now.

And I just went with it and then drank and smoked and made out with boys and bushes.

When it was time to go to high school, I had this big epiphany and decided I didn't want to be around those people anymore.

And I switched to the other high school in town.

So then I was with more good girlfriends.

It was my freshman year of high school and I'm hanging out with my good girlfriend, Ashley.

And suddenly I see one of my old bad girlfriends come storming across campus looking for me.

And she's like, Shelly, our other friend, Teresa, she thinks she's pregnant and she's grounded.

She's like DEFCON 5 grounded.

She cannot leave the house.

She needs a pregnancy test.