Armchair Anonymous: Stealing II
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman. Hi. Now, this prompt really hits home for you personally because you're a known thief.
No.
You're a known and admitted thief.
Okay. I was once a thief in my younger years.
Yeah.
Particularly age six.
What personal theft experiences do the hosts share?
Yeah, I wonder what percentage of people get through their whole life without stealing. It's got to be very low, right? Everyone's done a little.
I hate that I'm about to do this. This is not my normal MO.
Okay.
I do kind of think shoplifting is— Cool. No.
Oh, okay.
Is a female... Heavy? Yeah. It leans female heavy as far as the, like, vices.
Well, I think that people who have the kleptomania... Yeah. We could even look it up now. But, yeah, I do think it does skew.
I know. It's interesting.
It is. There's some kink about it.
I guess because, like... You know, men murder.
Yeah, that's our thing. Wait till we cover that.
Women kind of, I think it's still connected to like nesting and having things and squirreling away things for the babies.
Well, also, evolutionarily, you would see things and you would take them and you'd bring them back to your village. You'd see them there in nature.
Yes.
You'd gather them and take them.
How does shoplifting affect societal views on theft?
Yeah.
You wouldn't pay for them. Sure. So I think it's in you. Yeah. And like me, I have to murder. You know, people come into the village, they want to take the children and the wives who are busy taking.
Scurrying around.
Stealing.
Yeah. I will be, I want to be very, very, very clear. I've never shoplifted. Never? No.
Okay. I have, but I really stopped young. I don't think I did it as an adult other than when it was like past 2 a.m. and I had to have alcohol.
Oh, then you can't. That doesn't count. Yes, that counts.
No, that does not count.
Of course that counts.
If it's for your survival, it doesn't count.
And remember you tried to.
That's like when a poor beggar steals a loaf of bread in the 1700s London. Nope. You can't put them in prison for that. Give them the bread.
Remember when you tried to steal the parking meter?
Not try. I succeeded.
I thought you couldn't get it out.
What humorous theft stories do the guests recount?
No, I fucking got it out and drug it all the way up to my apartment. And Brie woke up, obviously, before me and said, why is there a parking with the whole cement base? Yeah. I can't believe I didn't tear any tendons getting it up into my apartment. And as I told you, there was just a scrape mark for a block where I drug it down the sidewalk.
You didn't do a good job hiding it.
Barney Fife could have cracked this case wide open.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Without further ado, please enjoy Stealing.
Hard times come and go. Good times take them slow. My life, I had them all. But one thing you got to know, I'm going to keep on shining.
Shelly? That's me. Hi. I'm so grateful for your headset. You sound impeccable.
Oh, thank you. You'll be happy to know these are my nine-year-old's Nintendo headphones, which I ridiculed him last week about spending so much money on. Uh-huh. Now here we are. It worked out.
And the nine-year-old has his own funds?
Saved up allowance, and he's obsessed with headphones, even though he's not allowed to chat on the Nintendo. Okay, great. Oh, how cute.
He just wanted to be like the other big boys who have headphones. And what's on his list of chores that earns him this?
He takes the big rolly trash can all the way down our long driveway and back up and feeds the dog and makes his bed. Oh, these are good. Yeah. What about dishes?
Too young.
Our cabinets are weirdly high. So I haven't graduated the kids to dishes yet.
And nine is a little slippery. You're dealing with a lot of broken dishes.
Yeah.
And where do you live, Shelly?
I am in a small town about an hour north of Sacramento called Oroville.
And have you lived there your whole life?
I moved here when I was 12, which is right about the time that this story comes into play. Oh, wonderful.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–0:34
2
What personal theft experiences do the hosts share?
0:34–1:38
3
How does shoplifting affect societal views on theft?
1:38–2:26
4
What humorous theft stories do the guests recount?
2:26–5:22
5
What unexpected consequences arise from stealing?
5:22–8:24
6
How do the hosts reflect on their past stealing incidents?
8:24–11:24
7
What insights emerge from discussing the nature of theft?
11:24–14:00
8
How do personal stories shape our understanding of crime?
14:00–51:16