Sonja Lyubomirsky

And we've been talking about the importance of sharing and listening and getting known and being known.

Well, some of that might involve me telling you a story that might involve some sort of a contradiction or something that's maybe not so positive about me or something that you don't really understand.

Why did she do this?

And so I think it's important for us to respond with, I guess you would say with acceptance, you know, that you really accept the other person, that the idea that we're all a quilt or tapestry of many, many, many qualities.

And, you know, I have this trauma, yes, but it doesn't define me.

I have, you know, sometimes I'm kind, but you know what?

Sometimes I'm selfish and sometimes I'm loyal.

Sometimes I'm a little narcissistic and we all have that.

We all have that.

And how do we sort of turn off that sort of judgmental tendency is when we hear someone's story that sort of doesn't quite make sense.

You know, how do we respond to that?

And I think that's actually one of the most challenging things to do.

You know, when I didn't feel loved by my daughter, I thought like maybe I should talk to her and ask her, you know, what is it?

And somehow I thought that that I don't know, like I could change something about myself or about her.

But what what the research behind the book taught me is to start with showing interest in her and showing interest in her in her life and sort of what makes her tick and start to ask questions about her.

the things that are really exciting to her, which may not be exciting to me, at least not initially.

And so I started to spend more time with her.

I started to ask her more questions and sort of to listen more and then to follow up too, right?

So maybe follow up maybe a week later, a month later, say, hey, I remember when you told me you were interested in that.

You know, what is happening there?