Sonja Lyubomirsky

What she was not doing is she wasn't sharing very much about herself.

She wasn't showing sort of as much affection, physical affection as much as I like because I'm a very physical person.

So I was sort of focused on what she was not doing enough or thinking like, what should I be doing to try to get her to be more responsive to me?

Kind of what was wrong with me that I wasn't feeling this love coming from her.

Yeah, that's exactly right.

It's so interesting, you know, because we often don't feel loved for a variety of reasons.

And sometimes the person really, really does love us.

And they might even show love in different ways.

But it somehow isn't registering with us for a variety of reasons.

Maybe because that's not, quote, our love language.

Or maybe because we don't sort of even see it.

Or we don't think of it as being very, very authentic.

Or we don't think it doesn't apply to us.

So it's a very interesting problem.

I think often they are.

But I think that the interesting case, you know, for me as a psychologist are the times when we are loved, but we don't feel loved.

And it could be that we're not even seeing whatever the other person is doing to make us feel loved.

We're not perceiving it.

We're not somehow taking it in.

We're not internalizing it.