Stace Don

And I got in the valley and I walked... I got to the point where I could see the co-op car park and...

Clara's day, like it was completely real.

I seen him holding my daughter's hand and walking away from me out of the car park.

And I just collapsed on my knees, started crying, like completely broke down on my own in the valley.

And next minute I've got up, dusted myself off like a zombie, just walking towards the club and my daughter comes out and none of that had really happened.

That is, it's scurvy.

It is like really scurvy and that's the reality of what I see on different things and then other times it can just be like even talking about things like now.

When I mention store, my head goes back into them situations so I can describe everything, what's going on in them rooms.

Really bad.

Yeah, anxiety can just take off on the body within minutes.

I've tried going out partying just for the distraction, thinking, like, you've got friends and stuff like that, but I've never really, like, been consistent with it because I've always... Like, even medication, when the doctors have offered me and prescribed me medication, I'm always scared that it'll make me, like...

just relax too much that I'll take my eye off the ball and the next minute I'd wake up and my daughter wouldn't be there.

So it's like I'm constantly in fight mode or flight mode.

There's alarm bells every day where I have to be on the ball to make sure that me and my daughter are safe.

And that's 18 years later.

she saved my life because she got me out of the house because if I wouldn't have got pregnant I don't even think I'd be alive I honestly don't and do you like being a mum yeah love it yeah I do like being a mum for years and years though I questioned like whether I was worthy of being a mum do you know and whether I deserved to be a mum because of the situation and stuff like that and whether I was selfish you know like some people can say about me but

Now I'm coming to terms with it, and it has been 18 years and different things, and I literally have the most amazing daughter, do you know?

And, yeah, I do.

It's took a lot because it's not just been, like, natural and planned.

Like, my pregnancy retained it, you know?