Stephan Speaks
speaker
257 appearances
3 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard May 2025
Stephan Speaks’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Because I can't tell you how many times I've spoken to a husband and I was like listen, emotionally, mentally she's not in the right place and he's like that sounds stupid. That doesn't make any sense, exactly. And because and I have to say to the women some of them create this dynamic where when they're dating she doesn't talk about those things being important to her.
She kind of plays along with the all right she just wants sex that much and she's just ready to go at it with him. So, he never learns and understands no, she needs more than that.
All right, so we can... Again, there's so many different examples I could give but I do think one of the key things to people not just meeting the... And I'll say... I'll get to that in a second but one of the key things to meeting the right person is just respecting the differences of men and women.
Now, piggybacking off of that the second thing is I think people are not having success in dating because people are not accepting who they are first, all right. Now, a lot of people may say you have to learn who you are, you have to figure it out. I think a lot of life is accepting who we are.
There are things about us we know, but society makes us feel shamed about it, tells us there's something wrong with this, you know. And so, now we run away from certain realities of who we are. One example I'll give for myself, I'm extremely ambitious, maybe too ambitious. I don't know if there's a such thing, but I'm very, very ambitious.
And for me, I'm always striving for the next, I got to do more, I got to do more, I got to conquer the next thing. But for a long time I was told this was bad. Oh, you need to just enjoy the moment, celebrate it, stop worrying about the next thing, all these things. And I remember I took a month where I said okay, you know what, I'm not going to pursue anything else.
I'm just going to rest in what I have, be happy with it. and it was one of my most depressed months ever in my life, all right. I felt like a neutered dog like it was like you took all the fire out of me and when I finally got to a place of accepting okay, this is who I am and I'm wired this way for a reason. God created me this way because there's a purpose for me to carry out.
how that then opens up the dating or how that creates better dating experiences that now by me knowing this part of me and accepting it I understand I can only choose someone who aligns with that. Yes. You see, but if I'm sitting here trying to be something I'm not then I'm picking these people who don't truly fit me and I don't fit them.
And that's why you have these relationships or even these marriages where people wake up five years later from this fog, this excitement they had of their partner to finally see what's really there and it's like, we don't really like each other. or we don't get along or we don't really fit well together and we're constantly in conflict with each other.
So, if we would just first really put more energy into understanding who we are, accepting who we are and then we can then realize who we need to pick that aligns with that that would change the landscape. And not only would that change the landscape for so many people it would allow us to stop letting situations drag on longer than they should.
Because a lot of people they meet someone they really like them but they can sense something's missing or something's off. But the problem with people is that they're being told if you have this great person you can't pass that up, you see. If you don't have a very glaring reason that society deems as valid oh, well then you're being stupid or you're being ridiculous.
It's like no, you have to trust your spirit, trust your intuition. Something is telling you and it's probably something that you can see but maybe you can't articulate it or again, you don't feel like it's valid enough. But I can tell you from my position those little things is what turns into a big thing later and destroys the whole relationship.
But I'll say this, so you know we said understand the differences, understand yourself and the third one would be healing. I have to always mention that because I believe the number one issue that people are facing is a lack of healing.
And that plays into figuring yourself out because again, you... If you are operating out of a place of fear or shame or you've been told you weren't good enough or something about you wasn't good even though that wasn't the case well, that's going to make you struggle with embracing that.
Right, and if you aren't healed and you're carrying all these negative perceptions of relationships, love, because a lot of people with their words say I want love, but in reality they're scared of it, all right. They fear being that vulnerable. So, they actually subconsciously choose partners who don't make them too vulnerable, but they're good enough to be with so to speak.
which is what I call the safe choice. Some people hear me say the safe choice and they misunderstand what I'm saying. I'm not saying safe as in this person creates a place of safety for you. I'm saying this person doesn't take you to the true level of love, true vulnerability.
You're able to have emotional control and manage the situation but because of that you're never choosing someone you're really into and you can never be what they really need. And at some point, it's going to fall all apart. But it all goes back to healing.
We've got to heal and not just heal from the romantic relationships, from childhood trauma, from everything, because it all contributes to our struggle to connect with other individuals.
Yes, but... So, okay, I guess the reason why I'm hesitating in the way I answer that is when you say men today because I would argue it's probably always been like that. I just think that there's more ambitious women now and so there is this disconnect there. And I think that the disconnect though isn't simply based off of men not wanting an ambitious woman.
I think we got to go a lot deeper than that.
Showing 61–80 of 257 · page 4 of 13
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