Stephan Speaks
speaker
257 appearances
3 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard May 2025
Stephan Speaks’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
And the unfortunate reality is that and I want women to understand you know, again, I recognize that there are some women who genuinely are wired that way, all right. They... It feeds them the same way it feeds us it feeds them to be achieving to be doing stuff and I'm a firm believer I want women to walk in their truth whatever it is.
I will say though there's at least a segment, a large segment of those women who are ambitious out of necessity or even fear. They've been told never rely on a man, they've been told you have to take care of yourself, right. And so, with that they chase this career
but it's actually at conflict with who they really are because deep inside they actually are the woman that values the family time more, being at the home and there's nothing wrong with that. But they have a segment of society telling them oh, you can't do that's wrong you need to be out there strong woman do your own thing.
And so, those women will have a conflict in dating because they're already at conflict with themselves. Okay, and that has to be corrected. So, I always encourage women like listen, be real with yourself. There's a lot of women who they do the work that they do not because they love the work or having to work, but they love the lifestyle that affords them.
Okay, which is why for many of them whenever we have the conversation about why can't you date a man who's making less, right? Well, part of it is because in the back of her mind if she has a dream of one day being able to leave work she wants a man who can keep the lifestyle up, okay. And if he's making less well, then in her mind how will he be able to keep her lifestyle and maintain him?
It's like no, he's got to be making as much or if not more so that I can keep this life that I've built for myself and I love very much. But again, I think it all starts with understanding okay, is this really who you are or not? Now, going back to the men I do think there is a struggle with a lot of men. One of the things that at least it comes to mind first for me the issue of low testosterone.
And so, I'm very passionate about the whole testosterone issue. And I do want men to understand it's deeper than just testosterone because sometimes we're so fix... Like, you could have high testosterone but if your cortisol levels are too high your body's not even processing the testosterone correctly. Your stress is blocking it.
If your vitamin D is too low, if your B2... There's other things that can throw it off. So, don't think of life as let me just fix my testosterone and that's it. But that can be a huge game changer for a lot of men. So, if you have a man who's already... Because I always say some men are not lazy, they're unhealthy, all right.
And if he is not healthy, he has low testosterone, his ability to handle, embrace, respect and ambitious is going to be a struggle in some ways. Well, it'll be a struggle in the sense that it might make him feel inadequate the way that she may carry herself with that ambition.
However, I would argue that some of those men, a lot of those men probably want the ambitious woman simply because for him I need somebody who can carry the load, okay. And if she's going to come into my life and stabilize me then great. The real problem is the ambitious woman does not want that man.
She's probably in most cases looking for a man who is also ambitious, right. And this is where the disconnect comes because now it's kind of like the whole discussion of having two alphas in a relationship, two very strong personalities. There's no real balance there, okay. And for a lot of women
what they're overlooking is what most men value or at least most men who are ambitious themselves, who do take care of themselves, they're looking for a compliment to that. They're looking for someone who can love them, pour into them, you know, contribute to a peaceful environment. he doesn't care about your money and your ambition as much, right.
But the guy who doesn't have for himself well, he's going to put more value on those things and it becomes this mismatch of individuals. So, a lot of these women who are ambitious it's not that they cannot get a man they're struggling to get the type of men they desire. All right and again, as I said earlier about how we focus on the desirables not the non-desirables.
When she says I can't meet anyone she's not literally saying I can't meet any man. She's just saying I'm not meeting anyone I actually like and want to pay attention to. So, in her mind I'm not meeting anyone you see. And so, there is a problem with a lot of men and I do think again, I would pose the question to a lot of women Are you going to be happy in the long run in that kind of a dynamic?
Yes, that's the question. You know, is that really going to serve you or is that a right now in the moment thing? Because there's a lot of ambitious women who accepted maybe the less ambitious man, right? Because he figured, all right, well, he loves me. You know, he'll be there for me. I can trust this relationship. But then over time, she becomes frustrated with him.
You know, he doesn't take initiative. He's not as assertive as she wants him to be. He doesn't exude the same level of masculine energy that she desires for a man. And that will take its toll. And eventually it will probably blow up the whole relationship.
Absolutely. But I think what has to be considered in using your situation as an example is that She didn't have to create ambition in you, she activated it, she energized it, okay. But it already existed within you.
So, for her it was very fortunate that she found a man who actually wanted to make more of himself. The unfortunate reality is that there's a lot of women who will take that approach with a man and believe that okay, if I love on him and point into him this will get him to step up and it's like no, he does not have it in him. And there's nothing you can do like...
when you think about it anyone who's successful has had experiences where whether it be friends, family, or random people where you've tried to help someone and no matter what you gave you could give them the whole blueprint, right. You can fund them, you can do everything and it still becomes nothing. Because it's just not in them. We cannot make them into something that they're not.
So, I think it's important that for a woman if you're going to take that approach you have to do your due diligence of understanding who he is as a man, his true character. Are you projecting a fantasy and a potential on him that doesn't really exist, all right. What does he see in himself?
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