Stephan Speaks
speaker
257 appearances
3 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard May 2025
Stephan Speaks’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Like, I would argue I don't even know what conversations you guys had but there's a very good chance that if I was there you were speaking as a man who wanted to accomplish things.
So, she was just all right, I'm going to support that, I'm going to get behind you. That's very different from a woman saying to him like, for example, well, you could do this and you could become this. And it's like, okay, no, he has to want that. He has to have that vision. It's a great distinction. You see, and I think that's where people, you know, get tripped up
and end up in a situations where... And to your point, the key is ask yourself as a woman are you going to be okay if this man never changes? Because you're placing a bet, all right. There's no guarantee you're going to win this bet. Are you going to be okay if this man never changes? If not, I would suggest... Because here's another angle we can look at.
Her presence, her love gave you confidence. But did that have to be given within the context of a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship? Exactly. So, if a woman really believes in a man but she knows if this man doesn't change I'm going to be really upset, all right. And I'm going to feel cheated. Then all we're saying is maybe don't cross romantic lines yet
let that man know because I'll tell you this, if he has it in him and he has a desire for that woman and that woman said to him listen, I think you can make a great partner I would love to be with you but I need you to get to a more stable place first. If he's serious that's his motivation right there.
That will get him because as long as he knows oh, I can get the woman of my dreams, the woman I love if I put in the work okay, I'm going to do that. But by getting with him while in the process For a lot of men they only do to acquire. And if they already acquired then what am I going to do anything for?
Why do I need to go work and all this extra stuff and or try to do more to make more money when I'm getting fed, I'm getting sex, I have a roof over my head. For a lot of men that is enough. There's only a smaller segment of men who you can give them all those things and it doesn't matter they have to do more it's just who they are.
So, that has to be acknowledged and recognized when a woman is going to determine if she's going to actually engage in that kind of a dynamic.
Is it fair? It is unfair, completely unfair. One of the big problems that exists is that a lot of women are not being told accurate stories of other women's dating experiences. Now, that isn't to say there aren't genuinely bad men out there, bad experiences and all that.
But what they fail to understand is that whether it be their friends, their family, whoever, when she goes on that date or she's in that relationship and things go wrong, she may leave out parts of what she did to contribute to the problem. And so, you're hearing this very one-sided view of the situation which is going to almost always paint the man in the negative light.
And so, the woman starts to develop this very negative perception of men based off all these stories she's being fed. Then you add the internet, right, and the internet is built off of sensationalism and people coming up with all kinds of craziness to make the opposite gender look bad.
So, whether it's men talking about women or women talking about... Or the same gender talking down on their gender, whatever it is, they're trying to hype up negative stories. So, even though these negative stories exist we don't always realize they're not so much the majority. They could be the minority they're just being pushed a lot more.
And so, yeah, it does create this very unfair... This unfair view of men and I think there's again, a little bit on both sides to be honest with you.
Well, I think it's just human nature to where we take our negative experiences and we project it onto that demographic of whoever it's attached to. So it's like if someone gets robbed by a certain demographic of people, they may start to develop a fear towards those people. even though it was one isolated incident, they now become cautious to them.
So, in dating when you start to experience or hear all these negative things towards men let's say, well, you're naturally going to become more defensive, more negative and then what you don't realize is you create these self-fulfilling prophecies because you go into the dating experience bracing for negativity or projecting it, not realizing you're creating it.
Okay, and so what also makes it worse and it hit me when you were asking the question is that and again, I don't want women to feel like I'm just saying like women don't take any responsibility or anything like that because there's plenty of women who do. However, it is more likely when a woman goes to her friends and family to tell them that this relationship fell apart.
They're going to say you know, you're better than that, he doesn't deserve you, those type of things to build her up, make her feel good. Not really pointing out where she may have gotten things wrong. The man goes to his friends and other people about the relationship that fell apart. Man, you were stupid anyway, you should have done this. Like, they're going to come down on him regardless.
And whether he likes it or not, he's going to have to accept some level of personal accountability. Well, that also now shapes how they approach the next dating situation. Now, unfortunately, I do think that there are some men who when they run to the internet and they hear women bad, women bad, women bad, they become blind to their own flaws.
But I think you can make the argument that women have an audience of uplifters more than men do. And that will now skew how people view the opposite sex and now those negative stories are only going to have even more of an impact. Because if I'm being told as a woman I'm great, nothing's wrong with me, these men are horrible, right. And there's nothing for me to do different.
So, then anything that goes wrong will always be viewed through the lens of men are just horrible people. Like, you're never going to think well, wait a minute maybe there was something missing from this story or maybe she could have handled things differently. No, you're going to jump right to they're bad because that's what you're being told over and over again.
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