Stephen Colbert

Wait, money management?

How do I know you're not just a bunch of Jews?

Stephen Colbert, senior White House correspondent for The Daily Show.

Will the president be available for one-on-ones?

He will not be available for a one-on-one with The Daily Show.

Could you at least ask?

We can check.

Make sure he knows it's Stephen Colbert, not Stephen Carell.

Okay.

Though I may never have won a Peabody or the respect of my peers, I'll always have my memories.

Who's going to be my last guest now?

Hey, Steve, what about me?

It's very important to understand that it only takes one.

We have had Category 5s make landfall in the past during below-average seasons.

Tonight is our final broadcast from the Ed Sullivan Theater, where... No, no, we were lucky enough to be here for the last 11 years, all right?

That was... Can't take this for granted.

On night one of the Colbert Report, back in the day, I said, anyone can read the news to you.

I promise to feel the news at you.

And I realized pretty soon in this job that our job over here was different.

We were here to feel the news with you.