Steven Curtis Chapman

How do I keep myself moving forward?

How do I lead a family and just hold on to anything that will anchor us down because I'm just feeling like these waves are just coming.

uh washing over me and my family around me and and it was i use this kind of word black hole just feeling like i'm sucked into a black hole and once i go into it i'm not coming out and and i would take a breath and just this the thought that came to my mind um was um

Blessed be the name of the Lord, you give and you take away.

I am going to choose with whatever breath I have, and I hope it's my last, but I'm going to go out saying, God, I have to worship you.

I have to trust you.

Otherwise, I'm going into this black hole of despair and hopelessness, and I'm gone.

And so I would take a breath, and when I would take that breath in and then exhale, God, I trust you.

I don't get you.

I don't like you.

I'm mad, but I'm going to trust you, and I'm going to worship you.

I would find that the next breath in was I had a little bit more oxygen.

And it was like the clarity for just a minute would sort of, the cloud would sort of clear just enough to go, wait a minute, that feels like I might be able to survive.

But then the dark kind of comes back in and you start, then I say it again and I say it again.

And that became, I started to read, you know, go to Psalms, and I started to find all these places where, you know, this amazing verses that so many songs are written about and worship songs that we sing in church that are better, better is your...

You know, better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere, and your love is better than life.

And all these things, I always felt like, why am I not getting it, God?

Because everybody else is so much more engaged with these psalms, and I believe them, and it's true.

But suddenly I was like, wait a minute, that very chapter starts with, how long, oh, Lord, are you going to forget me forever?

I'm down.