Steven

I really want to focus in on what it is we're getting wrong when we're trying to treat trauma in modern society. Because I see all of these retreats that are like inner child healing. And they kind of take you back to when you were a young child, the thing that happened to you, whatever happened in your life. and they kind of walk you back through it.

There's also various types of therapy that make you kind of recount the events and then they ask you questions about it. You're saying that you don't feel like those approaches are optimal because they just keep you in that circuit of reliving the emotion.

There's also various types of therapy that make you kind of recount the events and then they ask you questions about it. You're saying that you don't feel like those approaches are optimal because they just keep you in that circuit of reliving the emotion.

Let me give an example then from my life, because this will make it really specific. So when I was young, something I've talked about on the show, but it's just an example that allows me to think through your approach, My mum and dad argued a lot, and I would watch my mother in particular spend a lot of time shouting at my dad. My dad didn't really respond. He was very passive.

Let me give an example then from my life, because this will make it really specific. So when I was young, something I've talked about on the show, but it's just an example that allows me to think through your approach, My mum and dad argued a lot, and I would watch my mother in particular spend a lot of time shouting at my dad. My dad didn't really respond. He was very passive.

And it made me feel a certain way as a young child, which meant that when I grew up, I just wanted to avoid women at all costs in terms of romantic commitment. Because I was almost reliving the emotion of imprisonment that I observed in my father.

And it made me feel a certain way as a young child, which meant that when I grew up, I just wanted to avoid women at all costs in terms of romantic commitment. Because I was almost reliving the emotion of imprisonment that I observed in my father.

So I felt like when a girl was interested in me throughout all of my teen years, throughout my early 20s, even if I was interested in her, the minute we came to commitment, I'd get that feeling like I was signing up for prison and I would reject her. Now, I got an insight into this by writing in my diary, actually from doing this podcast, because I used to do it on my own, just solo episodes.

So I felt like when a girl was interested in me throughout all of my teen years, throughout my early 20s, even if I was interested in her, the minute we came to commitment, I'd get that feeling like I was signing up for prison and I would reject her. Now, I got an insight into this by writing in my diary, actually from doing this podcast, because I used to do it on my own, just solo episodes.

And I could see a pattern. I could see that someone asks me to commit. I get this weird feeling. I reject them. And then I asked myself, where did that weird feeling come from in your past? And I remembered, oh, that's how I felt watching my father and my mum when she would just scream at him for long periods of time. I had the insight, but...

And I could see a pattern. I could see that someone asks me to commit. I get this weird feeling. I reject them. And then I asked myself, where did that weird feeling come from in your past? And I remembered, oh, that's how I felt watching my father and my mum when she would just scream at him for long periods of time. I had the insight, but...

which was somewhat useful, but you're right in that it didn't necessarily stop the feeling.

which was somewhat useful, but you're right in that it didn't necessarily stop the feeling.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That first, is the first step insight? Like, is this a sequential multi-step process to change? Yeah.

That first, is the first step insight? Like, is this a sequential multi-step process to change? Yeah.

Is there a practice or a system or a process? Yeah, yeah.

Is there a practice or a system or a process? Yeah, yeah.

And what awareness comes out of that state? So if I'm looking to change my life because, you know, I'm continually performing habits that are not optimal, you know, I want to be married and have a family and I want to be productive in my work and I want to go to the gym and et cetera. And my life is just in this horrible cycle of the same old, same old, same old. And I feel shit about myself.