Tamsen Fadal

Have your friendships.

Do your workout.

Do your plan.

Just don't erase yourself.

Number two, check the balance of giving and receiving.

So disappearing often starts with over-giving all the time, right?

You're flexible, you bend, you do all this kind of stuff, and then you're expected to do all those things.

So notice, are you the one doing all that?

Are you the one always adjusting and compromising and making space?

Or is he meeting you in the middle?

And he very well may be.

A healthy relationship is not one where you disappear.

It's one where you are both fully present and giving.

Number three, rehearse life without him.

And I don't mean planning a breakup.

I mean remembering you have your own identity that exists outside the relationship.

I want you to go to drinks alone, dinner alone, lunch alone.

Spend a weekend on your own.

Reconnect with a version of you who has her own voice and her own desires.

When I finally stopped disappearing into men's lives, I finally understood that love is not about erasing yourself.